So a thread about Prometheus then. 
Spoilers ahoy! 
This way people can venture into The Film Thread without fear if they've yet to see this, and hey, we're all going to see it, aren't we?



So...
Never has one film managed to both delight and intensely annoy me in equal measure so much. 34 years it's taken old Ridley to get back to the future. Was it worth the wait? 
Not really.

Having now seen this film I'm actually of the opinion that the extended trailer is absolutely the best thing about it. The trailer is a masterpiece, and frankly it gives away soooooo much that there is actually little point in going to see the film proper.

It does all look absolutely amazing. Scott clearly hasn't lost his mojo when it comes to the visuals, but the film is badly let down by an appalling screenplay that goes nowhere, defies logic on several occasions and then jumps the shark completely towards the end.
It's a fucking shame really. So near and yet so far.

The performances are as good as you could hope for in a blockbuster, but the actors are ill served by a plot of expositional one liners designed as trailer soundbites. Again it's a fucking shame, because there's a talented cast being wasted in there.

A good story should take you on a journey. From A to B to C to conclusion. Where Prometheus goes badly wrong is in the script revisions that leave you with the feeling that they started at the end and then said, right, how the fuck do we get there? That's the point that any semblance of plot logic goes out the window, and the film is so much the worse for it.

It starts really well actually, and I forgave it most of it's sins until the the caesarean section scene. This was just laughable (and oddly reminiscent of those idiotic fairground "win a teddy" machines). We're supposed to believe that Shaw (who lets not forget is an archeologist) is able to programme an incredibly rare medical machine to perform an emergency c-section on herself, stay awake during the entire process, be literally stapled closed by the machine, and then be absolutely fine to run about action heroine stylee immediately afterwards??? Fuck off. 

But how did we even get there?
David poisons Holloway with the Alien biological terror weapon. Why? There's no logic to it other than to advance the story in a very obvious direction. He then just lets Holloway wander around until it's no longer convenient and then the script executes him. Fortunately he's already slept with Shaw, so ZOMG, she's instantly three months pregnant with the alien.
So what does David do? He sedates her and says someone will come for you shortly and put you back into stasis for the voyage home. Does he do it? No? Two other random cast members are sent in. How do they know about her condition? God knows, but that doesn't matter because in her drugged state she's still able to overpower both of them and then they are never seen again. 
Does anyone raise an alarm? No. So she's able to then perform the c-section on herself and then stagger about the ship until she comes across...ZOMG it's Weyland! 

He was on the ship all along! And the reason he's here is to go down to the planet, talk to the aliens, and ask them nicely to prolong his life??? So why in the wide world of sports has David been sneaking around for the entire film infecting people with an alien biological terror weapon (we know that's what it is because Janek tells us this in one of his wonderfully expositional lines of dialogue). Anyway, at this point everyone on the entire ship suddenly forgets that Shaw is/was infected with an alien parasite, and instead they ask her to suit up and go for a meet and greet with the aliens. JUST FUCK OFF.

Lots of shit kicks off, and the entire remaining crew decide to make the ultimate sacrifice by piloting the Prometheus into the Alien ship because seconds before Shaw has told them that the alien ship is going to earth and that's a bad thing. FUCK OFF. It's because the script requires everyone extraneous to the inevitable sequel and who might upset the eventual timeline/logic to the original Alien film must die and the Prometheus must not return to Earth, because that would just be awkward from a canon plot point of view.

Are we seriously meant to believe that because one woman (who let's not forget, has no way of actually knowing this) has just told them that the alien ship is going to earth, and that's a bad thing, and they must stop it at all costs, the entire crew instantly decides to sacrifice their own lives and pilot the Prometheus straight into the alien ship? OK, SHOOR.

Fortunately Shaw (who is let us not forget, an archeologist) is able to repair the decapitated David and pilot an alien spacecraft into the blue yonder. FUCK OFF. All that shot lacked was the music from Star Trek and Kirk's ...space, the final frontier... voice over. Rancid ending, and less said about the final alien birth scene pay-off the better. Shame on you Ridley.

So David had this wonderfully unexplained ambiguous understanding of the entire alien culture, language and technology. A contrivance that served only to gloss over the unexplainable, and move the plot forward. Utter nonsense. The holograms that he activates on the alien spaceship that show all the aliens running about. Why were they there? How did he know how to operate the technology. Crude but very pretty exposition that doubtless looks lovely in 3D. That's why. Only purpose served was to show the simple minded audience what the aliens had been up to previously.

Why were the aliens going to earth? How did Shaw even know they were going to earth? Why was there one alien still alive, and the second he was woken from thousands of years of slumber, he instantly wants to go and infect the earth, right this fucking second in fact.

If David had such a huge understanding of all this, and knew full well that Weyland was on the ship with the sole intention of meeting the aliens, then why the fuck was he sneaking around infecting the crew of Welland's ship with an alien biological weapon and why the fuck were there absolutely no security/military personnel on board to combat such a potential threat?

How did Milburn and Fifield get lost in the alien ship? The entire alien ship had been mapped by the probes they carried and rendered in a 3D model aboard the Prometheus that actually showed the location of every party member within the alien pyramid. Nah, they just got lost and trapped there because the script needed them to. Sixth-form fan fiction could come up with better.

I could go on and on and on, because frankly the more you think about it, nothing in the plot makes any sense whatsoever, so for now I'll leave it at that.

So, for all the negativity here, yes, for the most part I did actually enjoy it. 
It's beautiful to watch, and there's a fair bit to like, but really, hanging is too good for Damon Lindelof. He's a talentless hack.

[3.5] if I'm in a generous mood

g.man