Best thread ever. 

My girlfriend is incredibly clumsy, she's fallen out of the shower splitting her head oped and blacking her eye and more recently she decided to break dance down the stairs the day before our holiday. The ToonStock lads have seen the picture of the black line across her arse cheek.

I've accompanied her to the hospital both times. If she takes another tumble I think I'll get someone else to take her as I'm worried that the funny looks from the doctors will turn into knocks on the door from the old Bill.

Paul the sparky wrote:

Best thread ever.  My girlfriend is incredibly clumsy, she's fallen out of the shower splitting her head oped and blacking her eye and more recently she decided to break dance down the stairs the day before our holiday.

 

Paul the sparky wrote:

I'm worried that the funny looks from the doctors will turn into knocks on the door from the old Bill.

 

A confession of guilt if I ever heard one!

A managed to bang my elbow on the corner of the water heater while I was doing the washing up the other day, it really hurt.

Slipped off the top of a train once and fucked up my leg. I was too relieved about not electrocuting myself to notice how badly it was fucked. Was obviously my own fault for being on a train etc.

When I was a child I once fell down a metal set of stairs onto the concrete foundations of a pier. I was fine... or was I?!

Maybe we should organise a collection and send redeye a fruit basket (concerning Watergate)

Toppled over the handlebars of my push bike many years ago and fractured my elbow. I remember that as I tried to pick myself up, my left arm couldn't support the weight and it bloody hurt.

When I was about six I lost my balance on my Raleigh Budgie and fell into a mass of stinging nettles. I ran into a climbing frame at school and had a fantastic black eye.

Due to the first incident above my left arm is a little weaker than my right and after Christmas I was getting into the loft ready to put the decorations away. As I heaved myself up, my left arm gave way and I fell out of the loft and clattered down the ladder. There was lots of swearing and bruising. My supportive wife pissed herself laughing.

Fentonizer wrote:

This thread was a bad idea; when you're in pain, you can feel the pain of other accidents just by reading them. @liveinadive , holy shit. What was the end result of that?

Surprisingly he is fine now, just a bit of scaring but nothing you can really see due to hairy legs. He has more problems with a shoulder injury he got riding into a lamp post not looking where he was going lol.

I once tried to jump to the sixth monkey bar at school. I missed. I ended up in hospital with a sprained hand.

I also once ran straight into my friend (again at primary school). His tooth went into my cheek. Again I had to go to hospital to have it stitched up. I still have the scar.

Vespa's designed before the 90s use wheels with inner tubes. Which is handy for home mechanics and bicycles but a fucking terrible antiquated idea the rest of the time. As I found out when my rear blew out at about 40mph on a country road. I somehow managed to control the bike whilst scrubbing most of the speed but still ended up in a ditch on the other side of the road (just before a tight bend as well) with the bike on top of me.

Loads of cars went past without stopping but then a guy on a Honda Fireblade stopped and helped me and the bike out. Swapped the rear for the spare and rode home. Turns out my ankle had taken the worst of the impact (I was wearing Converse) and swelled up like a balloon. I crawled up to bed very nearly in tears from the pain then the next morning rode out to A&E. The queue was really big so I never got it looked at and went home. Fairly sure it had a fracture of some sort as to this day it aches when the weather is cold.


Not really clumsy but that's the best personal injury story I have. That and breaking my arm 3 minutes into a football match but still finishing the game. Like a champ.

I think you're winning so far.

I fell off a roof after eating two bags of prawn cocktail crisps - I didn't eat prawn cocktail crisps for a long time. Severe concussion which didn't kick in straight away, I remember my vision being ruined, like a cracked windshield. I was on a roof smoking hiding from teachers.

Jesus.  I have never seriously injured myself.  Did knee myself in the mouth once and nearly had a finger removed via iceskate, but otherwise solid.

Coopers Green wrote:

Nothing like self-inflicted idiocy.

I suppose this counts as stupidity rather than clumsiness, but I'd already typed it out before I realised it's slightly off topic:

When I was about thirteen we had a large bag of Eukanuba dog food in the corner of the lounge, waiting to be transferred to the plastic trough in the kitchen where the older food was stored. Our Golden Retriever knew it was his food, and I thought it was funny that he knew it was his food; so much so that putting my face near the bag and watching his little lips curl up in anger as I made 'nom nom nom' sounds had almost become my party piece. During the ad break to Prisoner Cell Block H one evening in the summer holidays, I decided an impromptu dog wind up was in order, and crawled over to the huge bag for a faux munch. A few seconds later I was clutching my tattered lower eyelid in astonishment. A few minutes later I was speeding to the local hospital at 75mph in the passenger seat of a Morris Minor Traveller.

I ended up having some sort of plastic surgery reconstruction. As painful as this whole incident was, having the stitches removed from my eyelid a month or so later was the most excruciating thing I've ever experienced.

There's a moral to this story somewhere.

LarryDavid wrote:

When I was about ten I did that thing kids like to do at the swimming baths and legged it straight out of the changing rooms and did a big running bomb into the pool to announce my presence. I didn't even look and half way through realised I was going to land right on top of a fat woman who was doing her daily exercises.  Her look of surprise and horror as she realised her quiet, relaxing swim was about to be torpedoed by a ten year old child catapulting himself straight at her is ingrained in my mind. Sort of a very quick switch from "ah, what a lovely day for a swim" look of content to a horrified "oh shit! that stupid kid's going to land right on meeeeeeee!". Luckily her hefty size broke my fall leaving me relatively uninjured (and her, thankfully).  I apologised obviously, because she was quite rightly slightly pissed off about it and then kept my head down for a stern talking to from the lifeguard. Secretly, I thought it was hilarious as did most of the pool who saw it.

Struggling.....to.....control.....my......giggles......

@larry ...amazing