Their intelligence can make them quite neurotic and anxious actually, in my experience at least, put the average border collie in charge of Newcastle and he’s walking away from the job 9 times out of 10.
They can’t take the pressure, the lack of managerial control at the club would frustrate any dog but a collie in particular.
It’s a job for a dumbly loyal yet none too bright domesticated animal. Personally, I’d like to see a duck given a chance. I like their quacking, and also it’s something that a Jermaine Jenas, Danny Murphy or Alan Shearer might easily mistake for vocal encouragement from the sidelines. They love all that on MOTD.
“Look at him there Gary, quacking his heart out. He’s doing his best, he’s trying to motivate them but they’re just not listening. A few of them in that dressing room need to take a good, hard look at themselves in the mirror instead of always looking to blame the manager...”
A duck is a strong candidate for the start of the season but come winter they've migrated, eyeing up contracts in North America and Asia.
Plus their inability to echo the thoughts of the technical director could cause problems in the boardroom.
I’m not saying it’s an ideal appointment. You’re right to question my selection of a migratory bird in an August to May European footballing calendar, but it’s got to the stage where the board should be thinking outside the box and a duck is as good a choice as any animal, to my mind.
A pot bellied pig would be a winner amongst the fan base I feel, many of whom do have pot bellies but again, it brings difficulties. They can be temperamental and can lose their rag, squealing and biting and what-not. In a relegation battle you don’t need that.
A pot bellied pig is of course a fine choice of a manager for any club, however Newcastle already have a snout in their trough in the form of the owner and sharing that trough will cause tensions.
It would be an unusual choice for the Premier League but I am a big fan of a pole cat steering the club. Underestimated and sleek yet viscous when cornered it could circumnavigate the challenge of the big clubs while lashing out at the water voles and trout of the promoted sides. A premier league winner the pole cat is not, but it's diversity in both attacking and defensive tactics could do the job for where Newcastle are at.
I never though of that. Your owner’s a metaphorical pot bellied pig, greedily up to his snout in the financial trough and your manager’s literally a fat, bloated, mud covered pig ... they’re bound to clash eventually. And who suffers? The fans.
I do like the idea of a pole cat, although I’d play it safe and have him integrated within a wider managerial team. Just a personal choice really, you’ve got your pole cat in charge of first team affairs, backed up by the duck as head coach (first part of the season anyway), the collie in charge of fitness and a pot bellied pig as part of a wider transfer committee. I’d also add a small chicken called Norman too, just find a job for him really.
I’d like to see a chicken pecking away in the technical area, particularly at St James’ Park.
The " Old McDonald" way of managing a club, it's a strong position and should appeal and be a natural fit for the Geordies with their "eee, aye, eee, aye, oooh" chants.
You're all talking shit. Everyone knows that polecats have an insatiable sexual appetite. It would cause havoc in the dressing room and cause unnecessary tension off-field amongst the players' wives. Of course, you could have it neutered first, but that risks the cat losing its mojo. And a dickless cat wouldn't find much support in the terraces.
What they really need is a sly Fox. A very sly Fox. Someone who can really shake things up. You'd have to forgot Larry's idea of a Chicken in the technical area as his number 2 though. That would cause no end of trouble and the fans just wouldn't stand for it.
It wasn't until I hit my thirties that I realised you could unlock rewards by exploring the map
You could read this page alongside the newcastle evening chronicle football 'news', and not tell which one is a parody and which is meant to be actual news!
however you're missing the obvious candidate of a Magpie. Plus having a fit bird in charge might help keep the crowd happy.