50 Sheds of Grey (The taming of the badger) - The Bear and Badger

M0stly harm13ss

Seems like as good a place as any......Skerret, adkm and reg have made a good start

Skerret wrote:

He was gorgeous, gorgeous like a nice pot of warm coffee on a clever summer's day. Â His crotch bulged like a turnip, a hot turnip.

adkm1979 wrote:

"She whimpered like the lead character's weird looking best friend in the original Fright Night, not the 2011 remake, whimpered just before Chris Sarandon bit him in the neck and turned him into a vampire, as he (the hero in my book, not Chris Sarandon or the weird looking boy) slid like a Mondeo on black ice between her hexidecimal FFFFCC coloured thighs, andÂ entered her, like someone putting something into something smaller, but which stretches to be big enough to comfortably accommodate the first thing."

regmcfly wrote:

Her nipples pointed upwards like mini Eiffel towers. Come to think of it, the name for what they were about to do was French, as well. Come to think of it, that's what she was about to do... Come... To think of it.

Brooks

You've ruined it now.

Dark Soldier

Shushy Books, I like the idea.

Rev

Brooks wrote:

"You've ruined it now."

she said, I was getting right in the mood listening to bonnie tyler, but you've not just eclipsed my heart, you dampened the fire in me.Â

Oh, really, he said, as he flexed his muscles and even flexed muscles he didn't have that he developed working in the stable or the garden, because working in a garden is like spending 4 hours a day in a gym.

she turned and looked at him, "And you could have washed it as well for goodness sake. It smells of leather saddle"

"Oh really" Â he said. Â Knowing that he wasn't brought into the story for his scintillating dialogue.. And he flexed his muscles again.Â

" I was wanting to use words like engulfed and hungry" she said disappointingly.Â
She turned and looked at him,"well you might as well get it over with now, what with me being wanting and everything"

Â And she pulled the sheets aside, kind of. Well some of the sheet got tangled in her leg which caused her underwear to pretty much wedgy her.

She moaned..

"Bloody hell, this La Senza stuff is like flipping cheese wire. "

"Oh really?" he said..

Rev

Dark Soldier wrote:

Shushy Books, I like the idea.

He said,

"Like what idea moron" said Shushy.. Â who had now save her lingerie from the ringwraith..

"lets get it on, right here, right now"

He moved his hands over her, Â

and then the doorbell rang.

Shushy leapt up, hopped to the window and peeped through the curtain.

"oh, its the recently moved in 24 year old Italian female neighbour with model looks and who has been subtly dropping hints that she could be Bi."Â

I better go see what she wants....

Dark Soldier

'The air was hot, like a long burning crematorium, each lungful sticky and oppressive. He took her by her elegant, soft hand, exclaiming out loud "You're softer than ma father's ewe!", a look of surprise and borderline anger etched on his face. She pondered this sentiment, but before her mind could process such romance, he swept her off her feet and threw her on a bale of straw, it instantly getting squashed under her excessive weight. She looked at him, his eyes glazed over, his brow caked in sweat, and she felt her chuff itch, not with lust, not with desire, but due to her pubis folding over, like a fat, origami-esque wave of blubber.

"Eh up love, you ready for a good pumping?" He slurred, and her heartbeat became rapid, her breath wheezing with excitement. He rolled up his sleeve..."I'm going elbow deep ma love!" And with that he slammed his fist into her, so loose, so roomy, so sensual. She let out a loud squeak, like a timid, yet obese mouse. He twisted his fist, feeling every slimy contour of her insides, and as quick as he entered, he withdrew, her vagina now reminiscent of Edvard Munch's Scream. He could feel a rush of warm, offensive air flowing out of her gaping chasm, like a slipstream behind a Skoda Fabia, and he unzipped his beige chinos, pulling out his almighty sword of lust, kinda like the one He-Man used to fight Skeletor with. He slipped inside her, no friction, but she was wrapped up in the moment, her rolls of flab flushing red with desire, and she began to scream with pleasure.

He looked towards the door of the barn, and he saw her, his ewe, the one who had taught him everything. Gladys, how he so fondly remembered her/it, with its velvety, rich abyss which used to take him handsomely, and he turned to her, her eyes shut, her body grotesque, and he shouted "BAAAA FOR ME YA BITCH, FOOKIN BAAAAAA....."'

RamSteelwood

She took the fellow of Asian descent by the hand, as they walked towards the shed.

"So Mr Lee..." she began coyly.

"Please, call me Wanton" he interjected, and doffed an imaginary cap in her direction.

"Ok, Wanton..." she said, slightly puzzled by the imaginary cap doffing, particularly since he was wearing a splendid top hat anyway. Â This puzzlement kept her quiet while they walked, but as they entered the shed she let the puzzlement slip from her mind like the easily released garments of a hottie in a movie all ready for sex. Â She then released her easily released garments, they slipped from her body like someone letting a temporary puzzlement slip from their mind. Â She was ready for sex.

The wanton harlot looked at Wanton Lee wantonly.

Without pausing to consider the obvious set up, she gazed into his eyes and said "Fuck me like a rabid dog."
She moved towards him, and he put his hand to her chest, but to stop her, not to fondle.

"Wait, am I the rabid dog, or you?" asked Wanton.

"Errrr...we both are!" she replied.

"Oh, ok then" and with that he bit off her ear.

As the gardener tended to the rose bush, he struggled to hear the radio for the screams coming from the shed. Â "Those randy bastards better not fuck with my plant pots while they're in there" he thought to himself.

adkm1979

I'm guessing this thread is working on the principal that any funny idea stretched out ad infinitum remains uniformly funny along its length.

Dark Soldier

Possibly, who gives a fuck.

Rev

adkm1979 wrote:

I'm guessing this thread is working on the principal that any funny idea stretched out ad infinitum remains uniformly funny along its length.

I love it when you talk dirty.

'along it's length'

Filth.

regmcfly

"Haw doll, am gonna be like at Peter Rabbit, hawf Inchin carrots oot yer garden" I whispered in her ear.
I put on some mood music, and it began to purr,
"time for tubby bye bye."

She put her replica xenomorph mask on and began to run her tentacled hooves up my leg, towards my Kojak.

g.man

You're in a cave
There is a hippo in the corner, and a table with a hedgehog, some Sellotape and a candle.Â
To the south is a waterfall...

regmcfly

USE HIPPO WITH SELOTAPE

*fap*

Dark Soldier

Kick the hedgehog into the waterfall, sellotape the candle to my forehead and headbutt fuck the hippo.

g.man

You fall down a well and die.

Game Over.

Coopers Green

Oh I get it. The well is a metaphor.

Dark Soldier

You're not very good at this g.

Rev

How the hell did you get into my house g.man?

g.man

Door was open.

Rev

Again?Â

Oh, and look... I've just dropped my keys!!

etc etc etc.

adkm1979

Somebody give the dog a kick.

regmcfly

EUPHEMISTIC

Rev

you're not very good as this adkm.

Skerret

Is that... Graham?Â ...In the garden?Â What could he possibly want?

Skerret

Also, the wrong people are posting.Â Get the right people posting.Â Where's Larry David?

beano

Chlamydia was up against the wall held in place by Bastard CEO's firm grip. Her undergarments chaffed her otherwise flabby udder and tits as his fist gripped the four of them together like a mutated prostate. What a bastard he felt like and he was. He had the clap.

Skerret

Better.

Tempy

The original by Harmless was great. Get Chet here for some Tardis/Tits action.

Skerret

This is his stage, someone alert he.

Coopers Green

From #irishshadesofgrey on Twitter...

Slowly he ran his finger down the middle, parting the pink softness, feeling the moist sticky centre. He loved a Mikado.

Her breathing quickened, heart racing, it looked so big and heavy. And Ryanair only allows 10kg.

Mary slowly parted her lips & slid out her tongue, she had waited days for this... She loved getting Communion at mass.

Matt_82

I had a look at a few pages of 50 Shades. Â There were 3 mentions of 'inner goddess' in one chapter. Â Seemed like pretty laughable shit.

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