One day, Billtong walked out of the Patisserie and watched in amazement as a goose spoke these words: ""Let's go to Zack Island. Honk."
As he considered this peculiar incident, Billtong realised that life was futile - he'd left his suitcase back in the shop, on top of the pic n mix. He no longer needed it but by gosh he wanted it, because inside lay the key to happiness and despair...it was a copy of Dark Souls. And a week old half chewed hot dog.
He cast these memories aside, shed his coat and scared away all of the children, as the scars on his back were still fresh.
"P Diddy Kong Racing", he said.
That was a pet name for his engorged member, Barry had first used that name when they danced by moonlight as the fires burnt in their loins. Pork loins to be precise.
At that precise moment, in walked Robert Kilroy-Silk: "Jacka-fucking-nory up in here" he exclaimed, then shot himself and blamed it on the EU as they always buried their heads in the sand, or was that Keith, brother of Robert and kisser of swans? Either way, the goose was now fantasising about swans.
Billtong shook his head, the voices were loud today.
"Ima kill those fucking racist swans"
@revelthedog walked over holding a notepad and pen. Biltong approached the dog and gently started stroking his head. A talking goose, a dog that can write, what amazing LSD this is. He took the duck from his pocket and realsied it was actually a suffragette...