Ban request.

I have been to 3 funerals. Two were cremations, one a burial. All three were sudo Christian, in that none of the three were church goers just that by default they were christian. Like when white people insist on getting married in a church.
Given the arrangements that have to take place it always takes about a fortnight between death and funeral, it looks like it may be longer for my Grandpa as my Grandma can't bring herself to read his will.

For me though I grieve quite quickly, I say goodbye to the person from the moment I hear of the death, by the time the funeral comes I am done grieving ( that sounds harsh, don't know how to better word it). I struggle with the worship of a corpse that takes place at a funeral, ultimately I find myself more upset over loved ones grieving than anything else.

Most (probably all) religions preach that the body is a vessel for the soul and yet they all indulge worshipping that body.

When I go I would rather they whip anything useful out of me and burn the rest in basement furnace, if people want to celebrate me then great but celebrate me and not the 15 stone of cheap meat that carries me.

29

mistercrayon wrote:

Hindu funerals are weird, especially for a kid and the language is couched in euphemism. My grandfather (dad side) died when I was about 4. We spent all of the time after the passing at my grandma's house (his house too) as the tradition is to pray a lot and so on. Anyway my dad or uncle said for the day of the funeral my grandfather was coming back home. I thought this was delightful. In truth, the coffin is brought to the house (this is an amalgam of western tradition and indian tradition as I'm pretty certain that there is no coffin tradition in india) and people do some ceremony and more prayers. It was a pretty stark image as the coffin is also open. There's a look of serenity but also a kind of matteness about the person. The mouths are also open, I don't know if this is ceremonial or a natural occurence. Afterwards the coffin was taken to a crematorium which is a further amalgam as indian funerals I think are traditionally open fires. I didn't actually go to a cremation I think until my grandma passed away but that wasn't until I was much older. The whole thing is a weird feeling. I feel I should be sadder but some of the ceremonial stuff is difficult to fathom for me. Also most of the deaths have occurred when people have been old and their kids have done okay in their lives. For me it's difficult to be too sad in these situations. I mean the best we can hope for in life is a decent innings and a metric of success is getting your family to a place where it's okay? so I don't know it seems difficult to begrudge a rest if that makes sense. (most of the time the people were old and fairly ill, as is normal, so I think the feeling of keeping them alive longer is countered by only increasing their suffering which is totally unfair). Hinduism aslo believes in reincarnation and so on. It's an odd belief but has some scientific merit (i.e. the soul moves on but has no memory of past lives, which is basically the atoms moving from animal to animal or whatever). It also feels like to me that the actual death won't be the part where it's truly sad, but when normal things happen but have a giant gap. Deaths have this raw emotion that is unusual and hot so it can cloud a lot of pain. But those moments, unguarded, when you expect and it's not filled... those I think will be the biggest blows for me.

The crematorium in Belfast has a viewing area for Hindus. Something to do with seeing the remains after the cremation.

As for my thoughts on dying. Ignoring horrific ends like accidents and nasty diseases, I reckon for many it's must be just like going to sleep. There is either oblivion - much akin to what we experience every night when we blink out of existence - or something far more interesting. Either way there isn't much to be afraid of. The few old men I knew who have died were kind of ready to go.

All the best, skerret, whatever that may be.  and commiserations to all those who have lost loved ones...

All my Grandparents, and my dad, were dead by the time i was 30...i'd not really thought of it like that until reading this thread.  One of the grandparents was dead before i was born, the other when i was pretty young, both cancer-related i think.  however as both my mam and dad were the last born of their brood, the grand parents were relatively old i guess, so there was no very young tragedies.  my dad's dad and mam's mam both lasted well into their 80s and were pretty active up until the last year or so, when various illnesses kicked in and they were probably 'happy' it was time for them to go by the end.

Dad was a big shock though, sudden heart attack out of nowhere in his early fifties.  he was a proper 'larger than life' character, everyone's best mate, always had a joke, would 'give you the shirt off his back' etc... In some ways he was prob a candidate for a heart attack, he used to smoke (though had quit for quite a while), liked a drink and a fry up and had a sweet tooth etc, so he wasn't exactly a slender fellow, but he had also been an incredible all-round sportsman, was super fit up until he was about 40, and was still built like a (small barrel-shaped) tank and very active.  Probably the biggest thing that 'killed' him was being a fireman for 30 years and breathing and being exposed to god-knows what over that time...
He deffo went far too soon, but in a way i'm pleased for him it was a sudden thing and he didn't have to suffer wasting away...probably best for me too in a way as watching him waste away would have been terrible (i know it's awful for anyone, but it would have been even worse to see someone like him in that state).
His funeral was insane because of the number of people that came....prob the ultimate compliment to his life...there was more people queued up outside the crem than inside for the service, they had to play it over the tannoy.  fire brigade said they'd send an engine over to pay their respect, in the end about 6 turned up as just about every crew turned up (so i hope nobody had a house fire that day!).

Fortunately he did get to see his first two grandkids, my eldest and my bro's....the biggest shame is that he didn't get to see them growing up and his two other grandkids...my eldest was just over 1 when he died but she still talks about him and claims to remember him and she's 6 now...normally i keep my emotions in check well and tend not to think too much about thinks that would sadden me, but i've had some heart-breaking 'chats' with my eldest when she talks about him, either missing him, or asking where he is, or when he'll come back.  once she said when she was bigger she would fly up into the sky so she could bring him back, and she's written letters to him saying how much she misses him.
On the 'lighter' side, my youngest doesn't quite get the gravity of the situation and just the other day helpfully pointed out that 'you don't have a dad because he's dead.'

I got very drunk on Guinness at my dad's wake, then threw up all over his garden.

It's what he would have wanted!

Liveinadive wrote:

Sorry to hear that Panty. Hope your lot are ok.

Thanks. 
The scariest part is that when he does go it's looking increasingly likely that my mother will then be disabled and we'll end up looking after her. It's fucking miserable to be honest, the wife and i have basically put our lives on hold indefinitely (careers given up, property ladder jumped off etc...) and we could be looking at another twenty years or so of this. 

Sounds incredibly selfish I know.

Lasted the night but it all ended this morning for Jack (dad's dad).  Everyone managed to get in to see him which worked out rather well.  For me, minimal feeling about the whole thing as it's a big relief for everyone frankly, him included.  Besides that, he wasn't with it for years.  Knew who I was some of the time, not so much others.  My main concern is for my dad and his sibs, but they all seem to be managing.  Very mechanical really. 

No need for condolences, in fact I'd feel awkward reading them as it's not emotionally difficult at all.  Might hit me out of the blue sometime but nothing yet.  Just adding to the discussion.  Glad it happened smoothly and peacefully, as is everyone involved.  Can't say I'm looking forward to the funeral as I suspect it'll be the full requiem and I don't think Jack particularly gave a shit about such things.  Got some fairly strong minded uncles who are running that part.  Dad's mum is still ticking along at 92 and is super sharp, bar some dodgy back issues.  She might be more relieved than anyone.

He got to spend some time with the first great-grandson in the clan (by my sister) which perked him up some.

The after bit will be fine in this instance too (high tea at Werribee Mansion no less), it's just the formality of the funeral that will be a drag.

Tonight is my last night in London (home before i have to face up to reality).
Heading to my Mum's place tomorrow evening but sleeping at my Brother"s place. On to pick my Uncle and Auntie up on Sunday, Monday I have to try to deal with my Grandpas emails and such being the techy of the family Then funeral is Tuesday.
Really worried for Grandma, Mum and Uncles. Spoke to one uncle earlier today and he was breaking down just talking about Yahoo logins.