Mortality - The Bear and Badger

[Deleted User]

I don't really think we have a thread like this.
We have the Thread of the Dead and The God Thread but I thought we could do with a thread that deals with mortality on a more personal level.

While we petty argue like no other I have always felt this forum to be an incredibly supportive place when it comes to the important things in life, be it the Love, Work or Kids threads we have always supported each other so I guess this is another part of that.

Skerret

Live are you drunk

[Deleted User]

A few days ago I posted in the ailments thread about my Grandpa, posted in there as I didn't feel I wanted to bring down other threads.
He had a massive heart attack and his brain was denied oxygen for a long time, as the days have gone on he hasn't improved. He spent the last few days in ITC with supported breathing. The neurologist visited yesterday and after looking at brain scans gave the verdict that if he didn't respond after another 24 hours then it is 99% sure he was brain dead.

My Grandma gave a hugely brave decision (given her depression, agoraphobia and total reliance on my Grandpa) that if after that 24 hours he didn't respond all machine would be turned off and for no resuscitation.

He died earlier today. My first Grandparent to go.

My immediate reaction is to worry about my Mum and Grandma, but it is starting to become a bit more real.

Btw not looking for sympathy, I have that. Just that I find this whole part of life easier to cope with when discussing with people outside of family. I feel like it is something people avoid discussing and I think we would all be better off in our lives if we didn't make it such a taboo subject, hence thread.

g.man

Good thread Liv. I'm very sorry for your loss mate.

[Deleted User]

Thanks G

Facewon

First grand parent to go is the worst. Condolences.

Hope he had a good long life.

As you say, brave of your grandma, but, going by your posts, the right decision. Holding on in certain sitchos just leads to a lot of unnecessary pain.

[Deleted User]

Skerret wrote:

Live are you drunk

Not this time, although that is my default

Edit: Thanks Face

ShabbyMcCrabby

I only have one grandparent left. She seems to be going alright.
It's always that weird thing where you know they must be getting towards the end of their years but it's still a terrible surprise and shock when something actually happens to them.

I hope your family is holding up okay

[Deleted User]

Facewon wrote:

Condolences. Hope he had a good long life.

He did, always jolly and didn't let age stop him, they were supposed to be on holiday in Devon this week.

Edit: Thanks Shabs. Yeah, we are doing alright, or as expected. I knew it was coming today. Oddly I haven't spoken to my parents yet, I think they are busy contacting everyone. I did speak to my cousin for a while on Facebook which was nice, we haven't really spoken in years. I hope if nothing else it pulls a rather fragmented family together a bit.

Skerret

Live you have my permission to drink.

[Deleted User]

GO DRINK!

ShabbyMcCrabby

When my father's mother died a few years ago it was the first time in a very long time that my dad and his brothers had spent any time together. They never really got along. It's a shame it's gone back to the old ways since. It's nice when families who don't normally come together do. Even if it's shortlived

Facewon

All my GP are gone.

parents and gf's parents at the age where health is more of a concern. My parents generally fine, but well and truly slowing down. Expecting another 20 years though, for sure.

gf's side is a little messier, cancer is rearing it's head.

Could end up with Mum in law living with us.

Mortality and age can be a mofo.

Although, it has to be said, if people are generally going at ripe old ages and of natural causes life has a habit of helping you get to a good place about it all.

My grandma on dad's side was the biggest loss for me, and, even though it was because of a heart condition at a relatviely old age and it was coming, it devastated the family, however, that shared love for her helped everyone through, in a way, and now it's mainly just great memories and a warm glow of affection when I think of her rather than pain.

[Deleted User]

My Grandpa was the youngest of my grandparents. He was never super fit but OK, unfortunately he had to have a valve fitted in his heart quite early, probably late 50's. The past 5 years he looked more and more frail, never ill just rapid ageing.
My Grandad, the oldest of my grandparents has been declaring himself on the way out for a good 20 years, his health is suffering a bit but he is bloody strong physically. My Granny is a Glaswegian from the tenements, even after her having 3 rounds of heart surgery and my Grandpa passing I am convinced my Granny will outlast the universe.

[Deleted User]

Parents have to be the toughest, I can't even imagine.

Bollockoff

All bar one of my grandparents were dead by the time I was born. Which I suppose spares me some degree of heartache. But I always wondered if I've missed out on something growing up not having a generation above my parents.

GFather on my mother's side was some Canadian G.I. during the war whom she never met as he went home afterwards. My grandmother had a shame complex about the whole thing and burned all correspondence he tried to have with my mother when she was a child. Mum only told me her mother had died a couple of years after the fact (I think I was about 9 then) on the idea I wouldn't have understood at the time. Which I'm still a bit annoyed about.

My parents had me pretty late though so I'm starting to prepare myself for mentally dealing with them hitting a more feeble age. I had to push my dad around Colchester in a wheelchair this afternoon which was exhausting mentally and physically since he's 16 stone and we're finding it difficult not to be at eachother's throats Simpsons style these past couple of years.

Condolences btw livvy.

Blue Swirl

Liveinadive wrote:

He died earlier today. My first Grandparent to go.

Hugs, etc.

regmcfly

All of my GPs were gone before I was born so I've never really had anything like it. Aunt died about 10 years ago, rather early, but aside from that I've not had family. Worst was a friend of mine who died absolutely suddenly about 8 years ago, a year younger than me - he'd had a Tumour in his brain and the doctors had been looking at his back (as it was giving him spinal problems) and he just went. That one has stayed with me, and mortality is something I don't even really like discussing tbh, despite being the great leveller.

Live, sorry to hear your news btw

Paul the sparky

My condolences Live. I started out with three Grandparents, the last went a couple of years ago.

regmcfly wrote:

mortality is something I don't even really like discussing tbh

I fucking hear that. Had that 'OMG I'm running out of time!' thing jump into my head before I drifted off to sleep just last night.

JonB

My mother's parents went in quick succession when I was 1, so I never knew them. My father's parents were around for a good long while though, and even came and lived near us when I was about 10.

My Grandad went first, from a heart attack, aged about 89. My Grandmother, on the other hand, spent about her last 20 years going further and further into senile dementure (although no one knew about it in the early years because my Grandad managed to hide it from everyone). In the last number of years she had no short term memory and would keep asking you the same questions every few minutes. In moments of lucidity she'd tell you it was no life worth living. I think there was a kind of relief when she died in the end, as she hadn't really been there for a good while.

I dread my parents going that way. Something to be said for a heart attack at a good age when you've still got your mental faculties. Although I shouldn't tempt fate - my Dad had a big heart attack at 60, just after retiring, and was apparently lucky to make it.

Rev

My dad died three years ago. He was sixty one. You find yourself forgetting about them because it's how your brain deals with stuff like that. Not intentionally of course. It just seems to happen, I guess otherwise you would just never cope. I miss him of course. That never goes away. But they can't be at the front of your mind every second of every day.
Hugs live.

Kow

One of my grandfathers died of a heart attack in his early fifties. I never met him but I'm hoping I didn't get too many of his genes.

Blue Swirl

Kow wrote:

One of my grandfathers died of a heart attack in his early fifties.

That describes the entirety of my Dad's branch of the family. Hence my extensive amount of time on the treadmill in the gym.

acemuzzy

All four of my grandparents have gone. Ditto my wife's. Mostly while we were late teens / early 20s.

Sadder though, neither of my daughters met either of their grandads (my eldest being born the day my father-in-law was buried, as I may have recounted before).

That's emphasised how lucky we were in that regard, as is absolutely teaching us to spend more time with our mum's (and for the girls to do the same). Life can be short and cruel, so do what you can to avoid regrets, enjoy memories, and view mourning as a healthy sign of good times gone by.

acemuzzy

And Live, very sorry for your loss. My post above is not intended to imply this shut is easy. It ain't.

GooberTheHat

Condolences live. Massive hugs and my thoughts are with you mate.

djchump

/takes a drink for all the folk who've lost loved ones up in here
(It's only coffee, but it's the thought that counts).

Hugs to Rev and Live.

acemuzzy

Today would be my dad's birthday #coincidence

equinox_code

Sorry to hear, Live.

I have lost 3 grandparents, with the last one currently dying. I'm dreading the arrival of the day he dies, not just because i'm really close with him, but because i know my mum wont take it well. From that moment all her ties with London- the only place she calls home- will be forcibly severed, and she will have no safe house to retreat to when the stresses of modern life become too much. It's going to be a nightmare.

I sometimes stress myself out about the day my mum will die. Unless i have family of my own by this point i can imagine my life falling apart completely.

ShabbyMcCrabby

Blue Swirl wrote:

Kow wrote:

One of my grandfathers died of a heart attack in his early fifties.

That describes the entirety of my Dad's branch of the family. Hence my extensive amount of time on the treadmill in the gym.

My dad had a major heart attack at 30. Grelps.

Skerret

Get off the Cadbury Crabstique.

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