I'm a D**khead - the thread of staring the obvious in the face... and ignoring it. - The Bear and Badger

Lord_Griff

Will there?

[Deleted User]

JonB wrote:

I don't know whether my stories are shit or I'm just bad at telling them. Once I've written them down I always feel like I've wasted everyone's time.

Your stories are fine, as is your story-telling ability. Made me chuckle.

As a newbie on this site, I've realised that the most common reaction to most posts is deafening silence. I choose to interpret this silence as others being stunned by my brilliance and wit, unless they explicitly say otherwise.

Ignorance is bliss.

[Deleted User]

Lord_Griff wrote:

Will there?

No

Unlikely

SwiftBoyAdams wrote:

I don't know whether my stories are shit or I'm just bad at telling them. Once I've written them down I always feel like I've wasted everyone's time.

Your stories are fine, as is your story-telling ability. Made me chuckle. As a newbie on this site, I've realised that the most common reaction to most posts is deafening silence. I choose to interpret this silence as others being stunned by my brilliance and wit, unless they explicitly say otherwise. Ignorance is bliss.

Unlikely

Fucked it.

Wookienopants

I was getting ready to head out for a night out and realised I couldn't find my phone. I started to panic, convinced I lost it. I was asking my wife where she'd seen it last and it was only then that she went silent.

"You're talking to me on it."

Ah.

[Deleted User]

Wookienopants wrote:

I was getting ready to head out for a night out and realised I couldn't find my phone. I started to panic, convinced I lost it. I was asking my wife where she'd seen it last and it was only then that she went silent. "You're talking to me on it." Ah.

Brilliant.

poprock

Amazing. Wookie strides into an early lead.

djchump

poprock

I’ve become used to my web browser autocompleting URLs for me, so when I’m coming here I usually type bear, then hit return.

Sometimes I’m too quick hitting return and instead I get the Google result for bear.

I’m getting very familiar with this image.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT89CU0pP4OwvJrU9wnTus3RAKphKPET7wQjeTXZ0aBllDBFVTO

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT89CU0pP4OwvJrU9wnTus3RAKphKPET7wQjeTXZ0aBllDBFVTO

Billy

Similar headphones story but bit different...

I once did the midnight set at a NYE night in London, many years ago. I was playing on someone else's decks with their headphones. Started strong, mixing was tight, people started coming in and enjoying the tunes. After a while i noticed the headphones got quieter and quieter but the volume on the mixer was already full. After 45 minutes the headphones were completely silent and i had to beat match using the lights on the mixer, not easy, and many mixes were fluffed or crossfaded quickly. At the end of the set i noticed the right headphone moved a bit, like a disc, turns out that was the volume control and i'd been turning it down every time i picked up the headphones.

Twat.

Billy

I once made a massive ham tomato cheese and lettuce sandwich. It was rubbish. Turns out i put cabbage in it instead of lettuce.

Wank.

davyK

Have actually done the classic "Where's my effing glasses?" with them perched on my head.

I have also put on a second pair of glasses on top of a pair I'm already wearing.

Yossarian

davyK wrote:

I have also put on a second pair of glasses on top of a pair I'm already wearing.

davyK

I have recently adopted the habit of putting t-shirts on inside out. No matter how many times I check I seem to fuck it up.

Dark Soldier

Spent 20 minutes the other day looking for 20 cigs I'd bought, even went back to the shop. Came back and found them about an hour later in the hoody I'd first worn.

Apart from that I'm fabulous.

djchump

Yossarian wrote:

davyK wrote:

I have also put on a second pair of glasses on top of a pair I'm already wearing.

Billy

I drove to work the other day, 45 minute drive. Got out of the car and realised i was wearing slippers. Thankfully i was also wearing shorts and dinosaur socks that day so i won a few fans.

Slippers at work was actually really comfy, would do again.

Skondo

Wookienopants wrote:

I was getting ready to head out for a night out and realised I couldn't find my phone. I started to panic, convinced I lost it. I was asking my wife where she'd seen it last and it was only then that she went silent. "You're talking to me on it." Ah.

Not as good as Wookie's story but it reminded me of a relatively recent moment of genius. After my wife had gone to work I noticed that she'd forgotten her mobile phone. Being a helpful chap my instant reaction was to pick up my phone and send her a text to let her know. Penny didn't drop until her phone beeped on receipt of the message.

hylian_elf

I turned up to jury service a week early having made all preparations to be away from work for 2 weeks. Does that count?

Court let me do it though instead of telling me to come back when I was scheduled in. Turned out good in the end cos it was February and we had heavy heavy snow and judges and criminals couldn't get to court. So I lounged around every day for a week reading books and playing on my DS etc.

Moot_Geeza

I went home from a bowling alley wearing their shoes a couple of years ago.

Nina

Kow wrote:

He should have eaten them too as per the instructions not mentioning it.

This made me remember that I once tried to eat a babybel cheese without removing the red plastic. It was so soft so I thought it would be edible. Didn't taste good.

[Deleted User]

This afternoon at work, the supervisor of the team coming on after us said to me, "When Lauren comes back, tell her she has to verify her statement before she goes."

I looked at him blankly. "Lauren...?"

My own supervisor tried to help me out by saying her full name. "You know, the female on our team."

There's only nine of us on our team, and I took a total blank on the name of one of them.

Just the latest in a long, long line of fucking dumb things.

Diluted Dante

You should have said, "Ah, you mean Laur."

tigersgogrrr

I forgot my pin the other day. Completely forgot it. Managed to get it right through muscle memory alone but I was panicking.

It's been the same for, like, a decade.

Kow

I forgot the pin for my sim card last week. It had been the same for literally years. And it just went and never came back. Worrying.

A friend of mine used to suffer from stress a lot and once he forgot how to read while he was at work, he just looked at the page at all these squiggles and couldn't make any sense of them. He recovered after a few hours but it's still a bit scary.

b0r1s

Ok so about 7 years ago I was at a food fayre in a local park. Doing the rounds at all the stalls. Trying the free samples, buying nice cheeses and olives from local produce etc.

So I see these bowls with like nutty bites in. So I'm thinking this is a local company gonna try a sample and see if I want to support them with my dollar. So I take one and start eating it doing my best Gregg Wallace impression of tasty food consumed. I ask the you man behind the counter what's in them etc and he just points to the stack of Eat Natural bars behind the bowls while trying to hide a snigger. I felt a right twat and walked off never to tell anyone until now. I'm sure they had fun with that story.

mannaboy

Lots of lols here.

My brother and his then girlfriend were appalled at the lack of meat on a rotisserie chicken they got from Tescos, off they went back to the store to complain. They were a bit red faced when the assistant turned the cooked bird over to reveal the ample breast meat.

yourfavouriteuncle

When I'm driving around in my car I often keep an eye out for my wife driving about in her car, if we pass it's a little flash of the lights and a friendly wave and we both carry on with our differing journeys.

I wouldn't like to guess at the number of times we've been heading out in the car together as a family and I'm flashing my lights at White Evoques and waving at them as they pass thinking
'Is that Nichola'?.

'Who are you waving at"? Says my wife Nichola, sat at the side of me in our White Evoque....

Skerret

Eerie. Don't tell her about the Others.

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