Happy new year everyone. Started the year playing Lords of the fallen. That way I know it's going to get better.

I'm seeing Star Wars today!

Happy New Bear Year all.

Sounds great pencil me in for 2017.

I can bring prosseco

I thought he was dead for a second.

Bosh!

He could be maayer of fahkin' Lahndun.

Nang mate, you meant nang. 

Wasteman.

The more I see and hear of Danny dyer the more I like him.

Fuck that you pansy, he's got really royal blood, king or nothing bitch.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Traffic

Football Factory is his magnum opus.

2016: A Year in Review


presented by Harold Redknapp Esq.

Cor, what a bleedin' year, eh? 2016. A year that will live long in the memory. I hope so anyway, as I've told my agent I ain't poncing about Googling stuff that happened months ago just to fill out this poxy article.

I'll be honest, in 2016 quite often I've turned on the telly, sat down in front of the news and thought to myself: "what the bleedin' hell is going on out there?" Admittedly, many times it's been because our soddin' remote is on the blink and I've ended up on E! News or the History channel by mistake. I clearly remember June the 14th when I mistakenly got on the blower to our Sandra to tell her that France had fallen to the Germans. Turns out I was watching a programme about World War bleedin' 2! My wife laughs at me sometimes. But once I got the remote figured out and got meself sorted out with a bit of Sky News, I breathed a sigh of relief at the realisation that the Germans had not blitzkrieg-ed their way across Holland, Belgium and the low countries and brought bleedin' pandemonium to mainland France. A close shave.

There's been some bollocks this year though, hasn't there? Sometimes, I look at this world and think: "why can't we all just get along, eh?". Why can't we all just get together and have a good old kickabout? A lovely game of footie, a nice training session, five-a-side or a bit of British Bulldog, and realise that underneath, we're all the same. What a bloomin' year, with all these famous people dying, politics boring us all to death and dominating the news (quite often I turn off the news these days, if I can work out the remote anyway). Poverty, war, financial instability, the terrorists causing all kinds of trouble .... it gets on your tits, don't it? Many times I've turned to my Sandra, or our Jamie and said: "These terrorists are a bloody menace" or "these politicians are a right bunch of charlies!" ... madness, total bloody madness.

Anyway, here's my review of the year, a rundown of the events that shaped our World in the year 2016:

January: Grey, drizzly. Bit of wind - the weather, not the wife. Ahahaha.

Notable events: Got a new fire, her indoors had been givin' me some earache about replacing the old flame effect for a good while but wasn't until January and the spectacular offers available at Ramsden's Fireplaces and Heating that I finally got around to sorting it. Fabulous prices and wonderful customer service. If you're looking for a 'triffic new fire, at rock bottom prices, you know where to go!

February: Cor, it was bleedin' brass monkeys out there.

Notable events: Me 'n Sandra had a right barney this month. It was about Valentine's Day - she weren't happy about the flower's what I bought her, moaning on & on, thought I could've gone out and bought a bigger bunch of em, blah, blah, blah .... "I'm not made of money Sandra" I told her, anyway she stormed off in a huff, didn't even cook me dinner. Moody cow my Sandra. I also went out for some fish 'n' chips that month I remember, same night coincidently. Lovely bit of haddock it was.

March: Nippy.

Notable events: Beats me, I can't remember a bloody thing.

April: Flowers bloomin'. Bloomin' lovely.

Notable events: The Panama Papers came out. A close shave that one. Phew.

May: Brightening up a bit. Out in the garden, got the deckchairs out of the shed. Quite nice, all in all.

Notable events: Egyptian airline went missing. "How do you lose a bloody plane?" I remember remarking to Sandra. Fuckin' jokers these Egyptians. I signed one once, at Pompey it was, he was bloody useless. Couldn't get rid of the bugger for love nor money.

June: Scorchio! For about a day, quite drizzly the rest of the month.

Notable events: BREXIT! Freedom. I've nothing against the Europeans you understand but we need to take back control, innit?

July: Holidays! We always jet off to Spain, you can't beat it. It's like England, but sunnier and with less foreigners.

Notable events: I was on me Holidays. You can't expect me to keep up with the news on the beach can you?

August: Footie season starts again, always a good month for the Redknapp's. Jamie's injured and I've usually got a new job.

Notable events: The Olympics, to my mind second only to the 3rd Round of the Cup in the pantheon of sporting glory. I was lovin' it, sat on the sofa in front of the box, me and the dogs - absolutely 'triffic. A few ongoing issues with the remote meant I missed a couple of events (the swimming, the majority of track and Field, the Tennis). Fucking red button, what a load of bollocks, eh? In my day we had three channels, didn't do us any harm.

September: Changeable. One day's it's 'triffic, next day it's bloody horrible

Notable events: Paris Global Climate Agreement signed. Can't say I was all that bothered.

October: Nights drawing in, etc. Getting darker, visibility reduced ... atmospheric conditions I blame considerably in the events which led to the unfortunate incident involving myself, the Volvo estate and the missus.

Notable events: Accidently ran over the wife. 'I'll never hear the end of this' I thought to meself as I reversed over her ankle. I swear blind I shouted "Sandra, move yer bleedin' fat arse out the driveway you silly mare!" before I put it in reverse but she claims she never heard a peep. Anyway, it's over now. She's alright, and thankfully so is the motor. Bought her a box of Roses to make it up to her. Got a good deal on 'em.

November: Brrrrr. Bloody cold weren't it?

Notable events: Finally, peace in Colombia. "It's about fucking time" I remarked to Sandra, in the Hospital.

December: Christmas. Love it. Turkey, all the trimmings. 'Triffic

Notable events: George Michael carked it. Gutted. I bleedin' loved Club Tropicana. "You can suntan..." the lyrics that boy could think up. Incredible. Suntan in heaven now, George me old son. Sad innit?

Anyway, life goes on. See yer next year! Be lucky...

Top work LD

I love it whenever we get a dose of 'arry.