Wookienopants wrote:

I'm actually just a c**t

I got an extra €5 in change one day and returned it a couple of hours later as I couldn't face having the young fella getting into trouble hanging over me.

I remember a weird period a few years back when it wasn't safe to hand wallets in at police stations.  The unofficial advice was 'just place them on the top of nearby bushes or walls'.

Because Wookie was working in the police then.

A head hanging in shame weighs slightly more than eight pounds.

Last night a plumber saved my life.

I remember when I bought this flat, after getting the keys and wandering round my new home, standing in the toilet room, and thinking, this is quite nice, but how the hell do you access the cistern and all the piping if and when something goes wrong?
So as the Gods are always listening...something went wrong about a week ago.
Everything behind the toilet bowl is boxed into the wall. I'll bet whatever idiot built it was very pleased with themselves, but fuck me, did it ever cross their mind that you might need complete access to what is behind their handiwork? No.

So I had a drip. A loud, big drip. I'll spare the tedious details, but the cistern was leaking out the bottom at the water intake pipe, and unless you were Mr Fantastic, there really was fuck all access to this.
I was resigned to having to rip the whole thing out and have an almighty bill having it all put right, and as I'm off on business next week for a fortnight, the timing was a nightmare.

So I got the Checkatrade pamphlet that came through the door a while back and called a plumber last Friday. Chap sounded really nice, but was busy doing a kitchen install...but not too far from me.
So the bottom line, after he hummed and hawed for a bit, the chap said, look I'll pop in on Monday evening on my way home from this job, and see what I can do.

I then spend the weekend dismantling the toilet room to try and make as much access as possible. This was an exercise in pure frustration. I ended up with a room full of bits of wood, piles of screws, shelves, you name it, I removed it.
None of this, of course, made the slightest difference to accessing the cistern. I was convinced the whole lot would have to be ripped out and rebuilt from scratch.

So John the plumber arrives last night. It's seven o'clock and he's done a full shift elsewhere already, but he's a lovely chap, and he clearly knows his stuff, so I leave him to it with the instruction of whatever you need to do, do it, but let's do it once, and do it right.

Long story short. Three hours he's in there, while I sit in the next room like an expectant father.

...and he's only gone and bloody fixed it! ...with the absolute bare minimum of mess.

This man is a God amongst men!

He finishes up, and it's well after ten o'clock now, so I ask him the million dollar question...
How much do I owe you?

Tell you what mate, I'll waive the call-out fee, and just charge you for the time I was here. I charge £35 an hour, and there's a few quid for the new parts I've put in the cistern, so let's call it £135.

I'm fucking speechless.

It's Bank Holiday Monday. This guy has been at it solidly for three hours. It's after ten at night, and all he wants is £135.

I prostrate myself humbly on the floor in front of him, and bestow him with a thousand blessings.

Truly this man is an actual living legend.

It takes me a further three hours into the night to rebuild all the fecking woodwork in the loo room I'd stripped out earlier, but I'm now back in business. Get in!

So. A big salute, and a glass raised, to the few honest tradesmen still out there, plying their trade above and beyond the call of duty, doing the Lord's work, and putting smiles back on their clients faces.

PROPER JOB.

You're welcome mate.

Safe house for stashing heroin, lads.

b0r1s wrote:

This tale of a plumber did not go in the usual direction. Result!

Indeed. This could have gone completely pear-shaped very quickly, because a lesser man could easily have stroked his chin and said, there's no access to that, all the woodwork and paneling will need to be ripped out and replaced, leaving me with a bill of thousands of pounds to have it all put right.

I've taken the bottle of ketchup out the loo room and put it elsewhere tho...

That's a great post G and I'm so pleased it all worked out so nicely for you!

Always nice to have some good news

Wouldn't let that light fingered swine in your hoose

Lies. You would've pinched a loaf.

When you find a good 'un one's faith in humanity takes a wee boost.

Aye, very much that, but without the jobby in the pan.