I knew three of my great-grandparents, and have clear memories of three of them. I was young enough when three died for it to barely register, but the last died when I was sixteen. It was an interesting time for me. My great-granda dying was almost a relief; mid-nineties and demolished by Alzheimer's. Around the same time I also had an uncle commit suicide and an elderly neighbour, who was like a surrogate grandparent, died of cancer. The elderly neighbour was the only one I grieved.

I still have three grandparents, and had no emotional bond with the one who died (he was, quite simply, an extremely selfish, horrible man his whole life).  I'm dreading my dad's parents dying because I know he's going to be wracked with guilt. They haven't got on well for about ten years, and are only recently rebuilding bridges. Regardless of the fact that my dad has always been in the right, and regardless of how mended the relationship is before they go, I know my dad will beat himself up about it.

My mum's mum is 85, and I reckon she could reach 100. The eyesight is going rapidly (macular degeneration) and mild diabetes but otherwise she's fit as a fiddle and sharp as a tack. She writes poetry but, because she can't see any more, she memorises them until she can recite them to my mum, who types them up.

At uni I took a creative writing course with Alan Spence. He spoke about the first time one is struck by the fact that, one day, you will die.  He was talking not about the childhood moment when you learn about death, but the time as an adult that your mortality first hits you in the face and makes you worry.  He described it as a wall to climb over.  I think, for many people, they never manage.

I have had to tell a considerable number of people that loved ones have died.  I've seen a range of emotions from anger to apathy to collapsing on the spot.  The most common thing, though, is for folk to compose themselves reasonably quickly, and ask what they need to do next.  The emotions still come in waves, but it seems that the practicalities of dealing with formalities is a way for people to cope.  It's something to focus on.

If we need to report a death, one of the things we do is note a statement covering the chronology of the major events in people's lives; where they've lived, worked, and so on. Again, people find this useful for their own grieving process. It can help recall and preserve memories.

Being scared of death is an interesting one.  I don't know if it's impossible to comprehend not existing, because any notion of it comes from a position of being aware of it.  I'm not wording that at all well, but hope you understand what I mean.  Why should we be scared if we won't know about it?  Just an evolutionary necessity, I suppose.

I've often thought about how I'd like to go.  The two most favoured by others seem to be in your sleep, not knowing anything about it, or surrounded by loved ones.  I have never been able to decide whether knowing about it at the time is better or not, or whether having people there would be more distressing than being alone.

Apologies, this has been a bit rambling and pointless.

what the jesus

I also ended up sorting out his divorce whilst he absconded to the USA. He repaid me having all his UK debt addressed to my house. Whadda guy.

On mortality. I'm more terrified of not being around to help my kids grow up and the impact it may have on them. My wife is an amazing mother which eases the worry somewhat.

As some wise bird said, I'm not afraid of death, just afraid of dying.

When you die, you die, right? Nothing of what is the living "you" exists anymore. No guilt no worry no problem no pain no nothing. Once I'm dead, I'm not going be able to regret things I did or didn't do, or worry about whether I should've done things differently.

So let it come quick, that's all I ask.

Yup, I'm not remotely scared of death but the thought of having a stroke or something equally debilitating terrifies me.

Down with that sort of thing.

If I had known my grandparents would I have had a better grasp?death is mostly a nebulous void to me

Liveinadive wrote:

Parents have to be the toughest, I can't even imagine.

My mother is my world. She is on a steady decline. I think about it every day. Nothing can be done unfortunately. She is just getting old. Part of life.

What makes me the saddest is the fact that she is finding it so hard to accept that she is old and health isn't good. She still feels she should be running around and doing the gardening.

I wonder how accepting I will be of old age, decline in health and physical capabilities etc, and ultimately the guaranteed death.

Great thread.

ShabbyMcCrabby wrote:

Blue Swirl wrote:

Kow wrote:

One of my grandfathers died of a heart attack in his early fifties.

That describes the entirety of my Dad's branch of the family. Hence my extensive amount of time on the treadmill in the gym.

My dad had a major heart attack at 30. Grelps.

Get yourself an appointment to have the old ticker checked out, I reckon.

acemuzzy wrote:

Religion + mortality = interesting (IMO). Perhaps more interesting us the lack of mention in this here thread.

This comes up in Sam Harris' book 'The End of Faith'. He asks you to imagine that the doctor has diagnosed you with a virus. The virus cannot be cured. It will kill you. But there's no way of telling how or when. You could drop dead tomorrow from massive heart failure or pass away peacefully in your sleep at 110 years old.

The "virus" is essentially how we live our lives. You don't know when the end'll come - only that it will. He puts forward the case that religion is a response to this, trying to get some sense of certainty when there is none.

'Course, then he goes and says there's lots of evidence for psychic abilities, at which point I closed the book, put it down, and walked away.

acemuzzy wrote:

Religion + mortality = interesting (IMO). Perhaps more interesting us the lack of mention in this here thread.

The most interesting aspect I find is not the idea of life after death, but of "reward/punishment" after death - i.e. the idea that somehow the universe/God/existence is fair. To my eyes, both ideas are obviously wishful thinking, but is the latter progressive or regressive? 
- Does it empower people in this life to stand up for what they believe in (e.g. MLK etc) with the knowledge that if they suffer for it, they will be rewarded in the afterlife?
- Or does it stunt progress by giving downtrodden people false hope that even though they are suffering in this life, they will be rewarded in the eternal afterlife?

I'm not entirely sure if this fits into the remit for this thread though - but I guess when facing your own or your loved ones' mortality, it's relevant. If anyone feels it's off-topic, feel free to shout and I'll shift it to the god thread.

Sorry to hear about your Grandpa Live.

I've got quite a big post for here, but it's going to be a while, because every time I try to write it, I have to stop because of the emotions it dredges up. Sharing it can be good, but it's also pretty painful too. Next month marks 15 years since my Mum died, and it will only be a couple of months after that that I will have lived more than half my life without her.

Lol Stophdad

Sorry to hear that Panty.
Hope your lot are ok.

JonB wrote:

Sam Harris really is a plum.  You're going to die, think about it in terms of this hypothetical situation for no reason, here's a really obvious observation about religion, look at me, I'm a philosopher.

I actually really liked the incurable virus analogy in The End of Faith, but yeah. He frequently would make jumps of logic with "don't worry, I'll demonstrate why this works later" and the final straw was indeed "mainstream science has ignored the evidence for psychics". Has it fuck. If there was decent evidence for psychic powers "mainstream" science (whatever the fuck that's meant to mean) would be all over it - imagine the research grants you could get. It'd be friggin' gold mine.