I'm a D**khead - the thread of staring the obvious in the face... and ignoring it.
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The Stepford Aunties. -
Went for a drink and a burger in Waterloo tonight (the old firestation does amazing burgers) slept through my train stop even though a set an alarm, it took 4 minutes for it to wake me up. Had to walk 40 minutes to get home, Google maps thought it best to walk through some pitch black fields. Thank I have a torch on my phone.
Dickweed.Today is the shadow of tomorrow. -
Should got Pokemon Go. Coulda hatched an egg.
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How can I forget this one...
So on Tuesday, went to a meeting at the office of one of our professional advisors. We have a meeting every two months, have done so for over two years. At the same office. Same meeting room.
It takes me around 2 hours to get there in the morning from my house (meeting is always 10:30am and miles away by train). So almost without fail, every meeting, I use the gents before we get started. This time, I go in, instinctively turn left (as always) and almost walk into a wall. Layout has changed?! Well, they've been doing up the office recently because of a merger and company name change. All looks different. Quite clean too. But to change entire layout of the loo? All seems reversed...
Anyway, I go into a cubicle and take a slash (standing, making a lot of satisfactory noise) and then wash my hands. Start fixing up my shirt and tie and hear another flush. Meh. Still fixing my shirt. Out comes a lady.
She stands frozen, looking at me with an expression of utter surprise. I stand frozen possibly with an expression of bigger surprise. I apologise and leave in a rush.
The toilets haven't changed at all.I am a FREE. I am not MAN. A NUMBER. -
In work the other week i went to the toilet, After washing my hands i walked over to the paper towel dispenser and started waving my hands underneath it trying to get the blower to turn on.Live= sgt pantyfire PSN= pantyfire
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Was in some toilets recently and saw a guy using the hand dryer to dry his penis.
Tbf if mine was that large I would have done the same. -
I've been known to use the dryer to remove a wet penny, but it's preferable if there's no-one else around. I presume he'd washed it in the sink?
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Stopharage wrote:Was in some toilets recently and saw a guy using the hand dryer to dry his penis.
Tbf if mine was that large I would have done the same.
Hopefully it wasn't a Dyson Airblade as he'd have to drop it in. -
I've just burned two breakfasts in a row.
I put waffles in the toaster, but apparently it was set too high. Burnt waffles. So I went over to the shop, bought bacon and pancakes. It was pretty much done, but I wanted the fat crispy, so I put it on a bit longer. Evidently, I lost track of time in the current affairs thread. They're now small black discs, and my kitchen is full of smoke. -
I ate the pancakes, which had a hint of bacon-smoke flavouring.
fml -
One of my faves was finding myself locked out of my flat at sparrow fart in the morning after a long evening. I phone the missus and ask her to let me in, she says no, I start to flip a bit, "What do you mean NO, it's my fucking flat, I pay the bills now let me in you dick", to whcih she quite calmy reminds me that she can't let me in as she's at a conference in Reading that weekend. "Shit" says I, to which she asks what I'm wearing, which was a bit strange, but I told her, Fastlane t-shirt, JB Conspiracy hoody and my grey cargo pants, she says "The grey ones?" I say yes, I'm not so drunk I forget colours, she tells me about a zip pocket just above the cargo pocket on the right leg which is exactly where my keys are
Bloody genius that girl, probably should've kept her"I spent years thinking Yorke was legit Downs-ish disabled and could only achieve lucidity through song" - Mr B -
pantyfire wrote:In work the other week i went to the toilet, After washing my hands i walked over to the paper towel dispenser and started waving my hands underneath it trying to get the blower to turn on.
Did the same thing only I was rubbing my hands at the delivery slot of a condom vending machine. In my defence drinks had been taken.
Was on a Christmas pub crawl. Did that 2 years in a row - in the same pub and at the same machine - and was witnessed the second time by a work colleague and news got round. It even prompted a "witty" quiz team name. Bastards.Holding the wrong end of the stick since 2009. -
Surely this is the new game (what was the name btw)?
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Rubber handies?
The dry johnnies?SFV - reddave360 -
Weirdo in the toiletsSFV - reddave360
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I can't actually remember what they dreamt up but you are on the right track.Holding the wrong end of the stick since 2009.
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Show networks- die
- @CustomCosy
- Xbox
- Skerret
- PSN
- Skerret
- Steam
- Skerret
- Wii
- get tae
Send messageToilet PaedoSkerret's posting is ok to trip balls to and read just to experience the ambience but don't expect any content.
"I'm jealous of sucking major dick!"~ Kernowgaz -
Show networks
- die
- @CustomCosy
- Xbox
- Skerret
- PSN
- Skerret
- Steam
- Skerret
- Wii
- get tae
Send messageSorry, that's unfair.Skerret's posting is ok to trip balls to and read just to experience the ambience but don't expect any content.
"I'm jealous of sucking major dick!"~ Kernowgaz -
Show networks
- die
- @CustomCosy
- Xbox
- Skerret
- PSN
- Skerret
- Steam
- Skerret
- Wii
- get tae
Send messageLoo Paedo.Skerret's posting is ok to trip balls to and read just to experience the ambience but don't expect any content.
"I'm jealous of sucking major dick!"~ Kernowgaz -
I don't see what's so witty about that.davyK wrote:It even prompted a "witty" quiz team name. Bastards.
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