Ace you just blew my mind!

They had decided to forge their own path.

They pushed on, getting faster and faster, moving around the corners like some sort of snake-like being (but not actually snaking, that's cheating.)

 

The others were surely messing around in a vain attempt to find the control room, but not these three. They lived for finding the shortest route from A to B, and then cutting down the time it took to get there ever so incrementally.

MK64 kept his wits about him as he took point, his 150cc kart revving at maximum. Incidentally, it's important to note that this is a Mario Kart referencing part of the story, and that MK64 stands for Mario Kart 64, and not, sadly, Mortal Kombat 64. Although Trilogy did come out on that console, as did 4, and a Sub Zero game. Anyway, the point is that Shang Tsung will not be making an appearance in this chapter. If you're okay with that, I am. Okay?

Okay.

 

So MK ploughed on, assisted by Kollarn on his left, wearing his heavy armour. It didn't slow him down – with the weight his maximum speed increased. He just had to be careful on tight bends. On his right, igor kept pace, a slighter, nimbler racer who slid around corners as deftly as a tightly scored counterpoint melody. They were prepared, they were ready.

 

They were going in circles.

 

“MK”, cried Kollarn over the deafening hum of the karts (again, karts with a k is NOT a Mortal Kombat reference) “Do you think we should maybe try a new area, rather combing the same one, over and over?”

 

“Aye!” shouted igor – he had long tired of the same scenery, cutting 3/10ths of a second off his lap time or whatever it is time trialists do IDK really guys, just insert something you know that racers do.

 

MK sighed. He knew the others didn't understand. He wasn't just going for speed – he was checking, double checking, triple checking every inch of the area before moving on. Who knew where a new danger – or prize – would lurk, and if he didn't find it, then one of the others would.

 

The trio looked down. Below them were the Villagers. Kollarn looked at MK and both gave a wry smile. They knew the falseness of the Village. Oh sure, it seemed like a utopic society – everyone helping each other out. But underneath it all, it was a bubbling cesspit – everyone working like indentured servants for the Raccoon. There was the passive aggressive cry of 'Oh, ANOTHER perfect fruit', and the smug satisfaction of knowing you were the one who helped others. Kollarn knew what MK was thinking. Both of them were friends, allies in the battle. But both of them knew they were in this for themselves. Whoever helped shut down the system would not just defeat the spam, but they would be bestowed in fame and fortune, like setting a world record on an OG SNES cart without any ROM hacks (see – I did do my research before writing)

 

Igor had had enough. He seized the initiative, using MK as a windshield and powering past.

“Follow me!” he yelled, spinning off down a new trail. MK was worried – he liked to know where he was, and the threat of a new track meant new idiosyncrasies to discover. He knew it meant danger. Kollarn nudged him as he passed, and the three revved on.

 

 

The track was blue. A light blue. There was something immediately unsettling about it. A clear white sky surrounded them – this was no Choco Mountain, or even a Wario Stadium. It lacked – character, depth, thought even.

It seemed to be unfinished.

“Keep your wits about you!” yelled igor as he slowed down to allow the others to catch him. They eased down to a crawling pace, taking in the surroundings.
“I've... been here before...” mumbled MK. Kollarn looked up in alarm.

“I've... seen this... in my head…” MK muttered.

Just for a brief moment MK remembered the promises made to him when he was driving up Journey Mountain and how he fought it off using the ignore button.  

 

They continued onwards. A section of pipe (not like a green pipe what in Mario, a big industrial pipe like Laura Dern follows in Jurassic Park) rose from the floor in front of them. If there was pipe, there was likely electricity flowing through it. If there was electricity... there might just be a control room ahead. This was enough to allow even MK to let his guard down. The promise of eternal adulation, like hitting the top of the Official Nintendo Magazine time trials listings, was a prize all of them longed for. They pressed forward.

 

It was once they had followed the pipe for several hundred feet that the flames flickered on in the distance. Blue, like the track, they started far away, then came closer and closer, until the three karters had to swerve to avoid them.

“Woah! That was dangerous!” yelled igor. The others looked over at him. Igor was sweating, the flames causing the perspiration to run down their face. Kollarn was about to let cry an encouraging battle roar when all of a sudden a voice boomed down. It was a female, but it was as though her voice was mixed with a machine. Basically, I imagined it was GLADoS when I wrote this bit.

“Welcome. Welcome to my track.”

“Who are you?” cried Kollarn, to no-one in particular.

“You remember. You remember.”

“I... remember.” MK put his head in his hands. “I remember... it means that this is…”

“Mine.,” the voice continued “This is my track. Welcome to BLU’S HELL!”

 

The voice was silenced. A starting line materialised in front of the trio of karters.

“Who... what?” uttered igor.

“That... that was... Blurum.” stammered MK. “Blurum. You remember. She said this island was where she dumped all the ideas she couldn’t use. This track must be one of them. This place had the love and care of pure revenge and hatred of a spurned forum. ” The words took on a vicious EDGE to them (that was an intentional pun by the way, and there's an even better one coming later) as MK managed to spit them out.

“So... now we're trapped?” whispered Kollarn.
“We're trapped,” repeated MK. “We're trapped, and we need to get out of here. But I'm not going anywhere near that line until I get reinforcements.”

He tapped a number into the screen on his kart. “It's my friend code,” he said. “It'll get us some support.”

 

There was a buzzing, like flies in the distance. Kollarn and igor looked around. Nothing. Then there was a large crash against the door. And another. And another.

 

The door toppled, and hundreds of karters – all looking like Toad – emerged. Back up was here.

That really cool Battlefield 3 static music played in MK's head as he watched his troops arrive. They were going to follow this piping, they were going to complete the track, they were going to win the race, and THEY WERE GOING TO STOP THE SPAM.

 

They revved up to the starting line, Kollarn, igor, MK and hundreds upon hundreds of Toads.

“Gentlemen. Toads. Today we stand upon the precipice,” began MK. “Today we stand upon the enemy's front door. We are many. We are prepared. We are racers and we WILL race towards the enemy's destruction!” There was a massive cheer, but it was actually a little underwhelming because it was the sounds of Toads going 'OH YEAH!' But their intentions were good.

 

The not-GLADoS-but-really-I-think-it-is-GLADoS voice returned.

“So... you remember? Yes. It's true. I am the Blurim. I had you all contained, blissfully ignorant, and now I want you back. So here's the rules, racers. Anyone who makes it over the line in 1 minute, 29 seconds or under, gets to live. Anyone who doesn't? Well... They can stay here, broken and twisted, barely alive. To experience what I suffered.

 In my hell!”

Blu's Hell. The track appeared before them as thousands of Lakitus emerged from the sky.

“Be calm,” urged igor, “we can make it out of here together. Whatever emerges at the end of that track, we're stronger in number. There's no need for banana skins, red shells, or lightning blasts!”

The Toads murmured in agreement, but Kollarn wasn't sure.
“Are you sure we can trust these guys?” he called to MK.

“Look. Just race your fastest, keep the line, snake if you have to, and get yourself to the end. That's what these guys are going to do.”

 

RED

 

RED

 

 

GREEN

 

Kollarn, Igor and MK sped off, naturally getting a speed burst. Many of the Toads did too, but the three karters were naturally much better – and they worked as a team, allowing the others to drift  in and out, snaking around each other like a well-oiled machine. The track was simple – easy even. Igor was suspicious. One minute and twenty nine seconds? That could be done in a 50cc kart on this track.

 

They pushed on

 

34 seconds.

 

Something was very wrong. Igor could see the finish line ahead of him. Why was this track dangerous? Why were they being challenged? What was he missing? This track? Blu's Hell? Blu's Hell. Blu...

 

His mind snapped into gear.

“IT'S A TRAP!”

“What?” Kollarn yelled back.

“BRAKE!”

 

The three karters screeched to a halt. Hundreds upon hundreds of Toads sped past.


“What the hell, igor?!” yelled MK, getting out of his kart, “We're all going to be trapped now, and it's all because of you!”

 

“Don't you see...” said igor, looking ahead, watching the delighted Toads cross the finish line, “... that up in the front is the worst place to be? Think about it. Blu's Hell. BLUE SHELL.”

 

“Oh. My. God” uttered Kollarn. He looked ahead to the end of the track. The Toads were leaping about, celebrating, throwing confetti in the air.

WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOOMP

He felt something whizz over his head.

Kollarn turned away. He knew what was going to happen. It was a trap. Of course it was. How do you stop the most competitive forumites? By playing into their desire to be first.

In literary devices, this is what's called hubris.

 

The explosion was deafening. Kollarn looked up after what felt like minutes. There was nothing left. Nothing where the Toads had been, and only the faintest smell of mushroom soup in the air.

 

“What now?” MK said. He'd watched. He'd seen them slaughtered en masse, the waistcoats flying in all directions. He'd lost his soldiers – his warriors. And for what?

 

Igor revved his kart.

“We may have lost them. But we have us. And the track thinks it has killed us. We can do this. We can sneak in. We can find where that pipe goes, and we can avenge those we lost. Do you want to sit around and mope, or do you want them to have died for SOMETHING?”

 

Kollarn looked at igor square in the eyes, like Will Smith does with Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys right when you know some shit is about to go down.

 

Igor put his hand out,

“Are you ready to drive towards destiny?”

 

MK put his hand on top of Igor's.

“Absolutely.”

 

Kollarn placed his hand on top. He knew the Blu-pun wasn't enough. He opened his mouth.

“Toad-ally.”

Nice one reg. Final pun had me giggling like a loon.

Yup. Just now anyway.

‘They didn’t hang around, did they?’ said Lonely.

He saw the three of them head out of the station door, swing around and bounce up the wall so they escaped out of the village. Cindemon looked on in surprise.

‘I didn’t know you could get out like that! That’s cheating!’ he announced.

‘You’re obsessed Cind.’ said Gonzo, as he pushed passed and headed out into the village.

‘We need to get the injured out of the locker.’ Said Lonely.

He waited for the rest of the guys to exit the train. There was a general nonsense and grumpiness as there was a lot of shoving to get out of the train, somehow Mod managed to stand on Beano’s foot and right hand as they left the train. He had to stand on a seat to do it, but still managed it without hurting himself.

They took the injured out and slowly moved them out of the station, and placed them in the plaza. The bodies were glowing. Goober , Elm and ADKM kept an eye on them and DS made sure he kept a gun trained on all of them. If it was going to happen, it was going to happen sooner rather than later.

Outlaw approached g.man, Blu and Lonely.

‘Hi, thanks for stopping by. I now seem to have become the hub for some kind of action type thing. I expect that none of you are here for the turnip prices and what the hell is the troll doing here?’ she said pointing at Likely and producing an axe from her back pocket.

‘HALLO, I’M SORRY.’ Said Likely.

G.man reached forward and reached carefully for Outlaw’s arm.

‘He’s ok. He’s with us now.’ said g.man quietly.

‘Try telling that to the animals he ate.’ She snatched her hand away and looked at Likely ‘Just you make sure you stay away from me.’

She turned to talk to g.man again.

‘There’s a couple of others that thing had better stay away from as well. Like Matty for starters.’

‘We’ll make sure things are smoothed over, just leave with us.’ said Blu and she smiled at Outlaw.

Outlaw smiled back, but felt slightly uncomfortable at the intensity in which Blu was looking at her.

Lonely picked must have picked up on this because her grabbed her hand.

Blu caught herself, and stopped.

‘sorry.’ Blu said very quietly. ‘I didn’t expect you to be female. It’s good to see someone like me.’

‘I heard you weren’t even human, so I’m not sure you can say we are the same.’ replied Outlaw.

Blu looked puzzled and then a bit crestfallen at this comment.

‘I thought it would be nice to speak to someone similar to me, all this testosterone can be tiring after a while.’ Blu said.

Outlaw smiled for a second.

‘To be honest, you’re not the first person to be surprised I’ve got a womb.’ Outlaw replied.

They looked at each other for the briefest of time. Something in Outlaw’s mind clicked as though she came to some kind of decision in her mind.

‘I am in charge of a town full of animals, so I suppose keeping an open mind is the best thing to do in this situation.’ She said.

‘Can you sort us out with food? We also need a base to head out from if that’s ok.’ Said g.man

‘Well, you can have all the fruit you can eat, some of the others have already made themselves at home. They decided to arrive by air rather than train.’ Outlaw said and she pointed at the wreckage of the house in the distance.

‘I knew I wasn’t going crazy when I saw that house!’ exclaimed Goober.

‘I can also sort you out with some new outfits if you need them as well.’ said outlaw.

Lonely looked her up and down and the mis-matched outfit she was currently wearing.

‘Em. I think we’re fine how we are thanks.’

Outlaw looked puzzled. ‘Up to you of course.’

She took this opportunity to take her leave and headed back into the village, hitting a rock with her spade and shouting with glee as it started to erupt in precious stones.

Lonely chuckled. Blu grabbed his arm in sudden shock.

‘It’s starting.’ she said.

Sure enough the bodies were starting to glow of the injured, then one at a time, that ear pitching scream was coming from their mouths and the light. The light was blinding.

Then there was silence.

Lonely rubbed his eyes. Blu hadn’t bothered to close hers this time.

Some of the guys seemed to have gone. Some of the guys were sitting up. Those ones looked a bit dazed and confused.

DS, Goober and Elm walked gingerly over towards them. All had their guns raised. Lonely, Blu and g.man approached RamSteelWood. Tin Robot had the same idea. He was holding a pistol in his right hand.

Ram sat up straight. He was wearing a top hat. He had a twirling moustache. He opened his eyes and looked around. His wound had completely gone. He was wearing a cape that he raised to his mouth and he then held up a sign.  From somewhere came the sound of a piano.

DUN DAH DUN DUN…

The sign said “BWA HA HA HA, and now for some evilness!!”

‘Are you having a laugh?’ asked g.man.

DUN DAH DUN DUN. the piano again.

‘Once you are in my clutches, you’ll be in trouble!!’ said the sign.

‘I don’t think we have time for this.’ Said Blu

DUN DAH DUN DUN

“You’ll have no time at all once I get hold of you.” Another sign.

Blu leaned over to put him to sleep, but Ram leapt up and ran into the station, jumped the barrier and headed off into the tunnel. All the time, plinky plinky piano music was emanating from him.

A sign was thrown out of the tunnel. It spun until it hit a post and made a twanging sound.

On the sign was written “BWA HA HA HA!!!”

‘What was that all about?! Why didn’t anyone shoot him for goodness sake?’ shouted g.man.

‘It was, well, unusual to say the least.’ said Goober.

‘Yeah. It was kind of unexpected.’ said Tin.

They didn’t have much time to reflect and make some hilarious comments.

The rest of the patients were starting to try to get to their feet.

Well Frantic Pea wasn’t, he had changed into a tin of beans. Jimmy the lips had transformed into the arm rest of a wheelchair. There was a label hanging off of it that said ‘property of Stephen Hawking.’

Blue Swirl dashed off in the direction of the sea shouting out how wonderful it would be to go have a paddle. He was wearing an inflatable rubber ring and some arm bands. There was no possible way it was going to end well.

Liveinadive had changed completely into a grumpy cat.  Which was just like having Live around anyway, except he was a cat. He was standing at the map of the town, and had produced a felt tip pen from somewhere and was reaching up to try to change the names of some the houses where the residents lived. Laughing away to himself.

Stopharage was made of steak. He was also a very attractive looking woman. Noxy had appeared from nowhere and was straightening up his white shirt, getting ready to go in for the kill.  She was also starting to make some kind of sandwich, DS looked on longily, and then saw what was being put in the sandwich and tried to stop himself from being sick.

Dynamite Ready had stood up and started to play some kind of Battle Mode Mario Money Match.

It was all starting to get very strange. Most of the badgers stood and looked on in amazement. All of the patients appeared to be healed and all of them seem to have gone through the same metamorphosis that Davie had gone through some time again.

No one was attacking. Everyone was weird and RamSteelwood had ran off to the sound of some terrible piano.

But no one was attacking.

Blue Swirl screamed out some three minutes later. He was being torn apart by a goblin shark. By the time some of the team had reached the edge of the sea, what remained of Blue Swirl was starting to wash up on the beach. There was more blood than most of them expected to see and more of Blue Swirl than any of them ever wanted to see.   

‘I don’t even know what a goblin shark is.’ said Tin.

‘Well, he asked for it.’ said Revel

Everyone looked at Revel for a minute.

‘Page one, about halfway down.’ Revel replied. ‘It’s right there, in fact it’s all there.’

He picked up a bone from the shore and started to gnaw on the end of it.

‘Rev, I think that’s Swirl’s leg bone.’ said g.man.

‘hmmffpphh..is it?’

He kept chewing longer than he should have.                  

He didn’t drop the bone though. It was a rather juicy bone.

 

Once the immediate shock of the shark attack had died down, and it was becoming apparent that apart from the questionable actions of Ram, everyone else that was still human seemed to be fairly harmless, it was time to get things back in motion again. Plan XIII was trying his best to keep an eye on a very confused Olimite, who was holding one of the old ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books and refused to do anything unless he consulted the book first. Plan was trying to guide him around the beach as best he could but even trying to get Oli to sit down was proving to be difficult. The Book was called the ‘Grizzly Badger Tail’ and appeared to be only about 100 pages thick, however when Olimite flicked through it, Plan swore he saw page 10443 flick by.

After a couple of detours to the beach and the village and two changes of clothes, he managed to get him back to the plaza. Plan had even tried to remove the book from Olimite’s hands but it was attached to him. It actually seemed to be not just glued, but part of his hand. G.man had said something about that though, that if the infected changed, it might be completely physical. It was in the case of Frantic and Jimmy.  Frantic had almost ended up being a snack for someone if it wasn’t for Paul the Sparky stepping in and grabbing him from Gremill. Paul had put the tin in his top pocket. The tin said ‘Frantic Pea’s Frantic Beans with no Peas’. Paul had gone as far as drawing a little face on the tin. He didn’t talk to it though. That would be weird.

There wasn’t the need for another gathering. Or speeches either.  The RPG guys were doing their own thing, restocking on supplies and getting ready to move out. They took what they could from the trees, the shops in the village contained just clothes and furniture and nothing really that anyone could use. Gav helped out where he could, producing item after item from his backpack. The gamemakers has left all of their equipment behind on the other island, it was only through the chance that Outlaw had decided to have a Sci-fi theme in one of the rooms in her house that Gunn and Superflyninja were able to get hold of a working computer. Gunn had the guts out of it in minutes and Superfly was already working on one of the other space consoles by the time the rest of the groups were getting ready. They were hoping to create some kind of scanning device in the hope that they could pick up some kind of signal from the control room. Blu wasn’t sure. The whole place was a like a massive leftover pie. Even if they picked up a signal it could be bouncing off from different parts of the island.  She needed to get away from everyone. There was just too much noise. If she could only get everyone to stop for a second so she could have some quiet time to concentrate.

Then it was there. Just for the briefest of seconds. It was like focusing on a piece of dust in the air. It was so small and it was so easy to lose again. She had an idea where she had to go to find it. It was probably going to be quicker if it was just her and a couple of people, rather than the entire population of the place.

 

Furthermore she was adamant Brooks was here. Or at least he had been here. His energy signature was so strong it almost left a taste in her mouth.  She wondered how far he had got into the island. She also wondered who he had met.

She hadn’t thought about them. She hadn’t forgotten them though. Seeing Unlikely had reminded her they were always bubbling below the surface.

They were here. They had more than left their mark in the Maroonum and then had echoed within her when she had first launched. Their flesh and blood parts had logged off long ago. She had originally brought them back to help her. Gave form to their thoughts. It was easy to build behaviour into something that had told you in dialogue, exchanges and arguments. That had told you its habits. How it would react. She had taken their basic personality traits and just ramped them up a bit.  Unlikely had turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. She had lied when she had said he would have made a good protagonist. He was labelled a troll, nothing more.

And as for the rest? They were the real deal.  They would have been a force to be reckoned with, if she had gone all out instead of using Lonely.

They were here.

They’ve been here waiting because they knew at some point I might come back to get them.

I might be standing toe to toe instead of side by side with them.

I might have to kill them if things get interesting.

Sometimes it is a whole lot easier to be the bad guy. [font=Calibri, sans-serif][/font]

I think I'll just finish it and not posts the parts from now on.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

depends how long it will take to finish!  the wait between chapters is bad enough, so if it means waiting months for the completion it will be hell!  however, i also often struggle to remember exactly what was going on between chapters anyway, so the remainder in one big lump would also be a benefit to me.

Exciting stuff Rev.

For what it's worth, I'm a fan of it coming in installments, if only because it all coming in one go means it will stop.  That said, if it must end, an extended length finale does sound like a good way to do it.

Someone has to die soon I think.

Whutthehell!  Superb stuff, Rev.  And two chapters in what, four days?  Feels like Christmas has come early.

if i had 3 hands then this story would get 3 thumbs up from me!

Good stuff as usual Rev.
Big manly man hugs.

Thanks sas

Amusingly, for the first time in about a decade...



I BAKED A CAKE!