Currently Playing - The Bear and Badger

stonechalice

Just this second uninstalled.

stonechalice

"WRECKAGE!" "SMACTUS!!!"

Vomit inducing.

LivDiv

Smactus sounds like a Yiddish slur.

acemuzzy

Never go full chalice

RamSteelwood

Review reads like a 7

yourfavouriteuncle

I’m not sure yet but i might not disagree here. I think if you’re engaged with the franchise then it’ll be just what you want but as an outsider who keeps on peeking in, well there’s a lot written there that i agree with.

Unlikely

Cupatay

stonechalice wrote:

Forza Horizon 5

Fucking insufferable. I glazed over almost immediately. The tone of this game is nearly as offensive as Riders Republic. It feels pretty much identical to the previous Horizon game. This must be the most inane videogame ever made. Just barreling through terrain smashing through cactuses and street furniture in super cars they shell out to you for doing literally nothing. I drove full pelt for whole minutes without steering once and it rewarded me with all sorts of achievements and bullshit. Hit a barn head on? A cracked windshield. That's it. No consequence. And off you go again. You never have to think about one single thing. Just mind numbing, obnoxious noise. I hate it.

I will never understand the attraction of these racing games. Petrol heads aside, obviously most fans will say it's all about the multiplayer, but the game needs to be remotely interesting first before I even think about playing with others.

It's the videogame version of a lobotomy.

Fucking terrible.

Phew, thought I was the only one. I knew I could rely on you chalice. Totally agree with all that.

Wouldn't even like the multiplayer I reckon. I'm a massive wreckfest fan but that's a totally different kettle of fish. Open world driving games have never appealed to me mainly because I need some proper direction and hurtling down a road even mid race I'm never sure which way I should be going so I'm left with having to use the imaginary driving line which makes me think why I am I even steering, i might as well just watch top gear. I hate top gear.

Not the games fault I guess but I need a circuit with proper turns I can get to know and I'm a fan of the smashing, not the tuning.

GurtTractor

I'm also a member of the 'really don't like Forza Horizon club', though I can understand why so many people do really like it. Tried to get into 4 a couple of times, but found the presentation genuinely very annoying and antagonising, and the car handling incredibly boring and easy after like 5 minutes of driving.

I wish I could like it, the basic idea of a vast map with a choice of cars to hoon about it is great, but the execution is waay off from the sort of thing I'd put together. I get why it has such massive appeal though.

afgavinstan

This is all a bit, tell me its a bit please?

Also, while we're there, tell me exactly what it is you expect, and what other open world racer didn't have a similar tone. GT's right there if that's what you're after. Bloody hell.

stonechalice

Car racing in videogame form hasn't changed in 20 odd years. Sega Rally pretty much had it down back then, but numerous iterations of the formula through the years have boiled it down so much that seeing a car on the screen and watching scenery go past has become extremely tedious to me. It doesn't matter how good it looks because it all just flies by so quick. I zone out not long after a race starts though boredom. Which is is exactly what happened with Forza Horizon 5 tonight. That along with the cringe worthy 'party dude!' vibe it shits out constantly. It's a mind numbingly boring game.

bad_hair_day

Horizon top tips. Glance at the map every now and then and try to stay on the road, like in real life.

yourfavouriteuncle

I preferred Unlikely’s response to Gav’s.

FranticPea

I lolled at Smactus. No fucks given.

Had a massive grin while tearing through the jungle last night though. Even if it's nacho thing it's a hell of a game.

AndCallMeCharlie

I really don’t get on with driving games but enjoy this, the lack of any penalty for failing is fine for my low brow driving tastes
Production is superb

afgavinstan

I typed up more but cannot be bothered reasoning with such pish. Fuck me.

EvilRedEye

I was so angry that FH5 doesn't have permadeath that I threw my Series X out the window.

tigersgogrrr

I mean, Forza seems alright but why aren't they catering more to people like me, who aren't fussed about driving games?

EvilRedEye

If only you could talk to the cars.

FranticPea

EvilRedEye wrote:

I was so angry that FH5 doesn't have permadeath that I threw my Series X out the window.

Next Horizon is a Roguelike. You drive around collecting different coloured tiered loot parts for you car, getting faster and more controllable until you crash and die and have to start again.

First boss is Chalice. You have to do donuts around him until he falls asleep from boredom, while muttering every game ever is utter shite.

yourfavouriteuncle

Chalice is always gonna hate everything and his opinion is ott but kinda fun (see all his other opinions on everything ever for further reading) but I don’t think that can mean that other peoples critical opinion is just a fucklol does it?
The game does loads and loads right and is clearly a massive hit and loved by loads. It’s also defo the best version of a Horizon that I’ve personally tried but as someone not already invested in the series to the extent of the mega fans there’s stuff in here, that may well be hard baked in to the franchise, that prevents me from loving it to the same extent as the majority of the forum.

yourfavouriteuncle

I’m very sorry for not loving more and i will not mention these bad bad thoughts anymore. X

yourfavouriteuncle

Would probably play Peas rougleike tbf.

Cupatay

I always enjoy reading chalice's opinions, there's always a cracking line in there. It's not like he's gone storming into the Forza thread to tell you your all morons for loving a stinker.

I wouldn't play peas game.

Paul the sparky

I think it's just dumb, OTT bollocks from Chalice. Again.

Especially when you drill down into it and see that the major gripe seems to be he doesn't like driving games. I'm not a big fan of them either but can't see a reason for the hyperbole of his take

FranticPea

Cupatay wrote:

I wouldn't play peas game.

You're assuming I'd let you play my game.

yourfavouriteuncle

FranticPea wrote:

Cupatay wrote:

I wouldn't play peas game.

You're assuming I'd let you play my game.

How do I preorder? I am eager to be first on board and will fund.

FranticPea

I'm just waiting for Phil Spencer to reply to my pitch email. You're first on the list.

yourfavouriteuncle

Fuck Phil in the eye. I’ll find it and I want it as a Play date exclusive for the first 36 months.

AndCallMeCharlie

At the expense of sounding ludicrously woke I was thinking about the environment while playing it - ploughing through beautiful countryside in a big petrol 4 wheeler isn’t ecologically sound

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