nick_md wrote:

Love seeing people look back at the ground after stumbling in an attempt to absolve them from responsibility for the stumble, "stupid ground!" when 90% of the time it's pyar oafishness. May have read that from someone here, but it's true.

I myself am like poised like a ibex.

A friend of mine used to do this. I've seen him go back and stamp on a piece of pavement and swear at it (seen him do the same with a 5-a-side goalpost).

Other things he's done:

Moaned about being given whisky in a child's beaker, then dropped the beaker (reputation earned).
Attempted to right a half full can of coke he'd knocked over by placing it upside down on the carpet and returning to whatever game we were playing.
Attempted to clean up cider he'd spilt with a bog roll I threw at him, which he failed to catch, by placing the entire roll on top of the liquid and moving it around a bit.
He also still thinks he's highly skilled with an axe on account of how much we praised his technique and watched him do all the work, when in actual fact we were filming his swings whenever he turned his back, trying not to make eye contact whenever he stamped his leg down with the axe.
He also couldn't get Sonic to go up a hill once, because he didn't seem to understand the whole take a run-up thing, but he's the best person I've ever known to have on your team in a pub quiz.

It was his carpet .

dynamiteReady wrote:

That's crazy... What's the full story?

Stupidity, mainly. A group of us were down with a Cornish lad I used to live with. Got fucked on Tequila the night before (ate worm), decided it would be a good idea to climb alnong an old stone wall near some cliffs by the sea. I was vaguely aware of a large hole between me and end of wall, but being into rock climbing I thought the traverse would be easy. Fell backwards when I must have been directly over the hole and was suddenly astonished to be falling 60ft down a dark mineshaft, head looking downwards, exactly like a skydiver. Landed on two perfectly placed black bin bags full of lawn cuttings.

It was amaze actually. The first thing the coastguard said after he'd been winched to the bottom and seen the two bags amongst the rocks was, "You lucky fucker!". They were side by side, just longer then head to knee length and I hit them perfectly. Even if I'd rotated another 90 degrees either way I'd be dead. Couldn't rock climb after that, even though I was well into it. Tried a couple of times and nearly shat myself, even with a rope on and not taking the lead.

Wow.  Lucky fucker indeed.

Fuck me. Hell of a way to cure a hangover.

'You lucky fucker!' would've been the best headline too.

Nah. Didn't even have the grace to go slo mo, consequently it all happened so fast I didn't have time to get scared. Just thought, "Oh bugger".

SpaceGazelle wrote:

*Bin bags*

That's some Final Destination shit right there... One fuck of a story man...

Surely you kept the newspaper clipping?

Misshapen bin bag of a man.

Escape wrote:

[Absoludicrous.

Genius. Why the 80s always wins.

That has set me up for a shitty Monday in the office with the sun shining outside.

I've always been pretty nimble regardless of mass.

A reduction in girth hasn't resulted in any improvement in my spatial awareness unfortunately. If anything I was worse in my youth when I was slim(mer) but was physically maturing and getting naturally bigger.

Twice today I dropped something I was holding in an oafish manner, but both times caught the thing in mid air with ninja-like skills. So I'm half-oaf I guess.

When I was a youngster I threw a typical teenage strop, kicked the door (but forgot I'd placed a backpack behind it earlier) and it immediately sprung back and smacked me in the face, only adding to my teen rage. Since then I've not been too clumsy.

I can be verbally and socially clumsy though, if rattled I occasionally blert out some mistimed rubbish. Just recently I jokingly called a friend of a friend a Nazi, forgetting all about her German ancestory. I meant it in the 'you're very well organised' way not in the 'some of us haven't forgotten the Blitz, young lady' sense. She was offended - I apologised naturally, but I suspect the damage is done. I'm always mortified when I do something like that.

I've also stumbled on the similarity of the words 'nonce' and 'ponce', thereby causing offense to someone who liked to spend time sorting his hair out in the mirror by accusing him of being a child-abuser.

Again, apologised.