I your wife leaves you I'll have her, don't worry.

Kow wrote:

I your wife leaves you I'll have her, don't worry. I mean again. Obviously. We all know about that, don't we? Sorry again. And good luck .

I think "if you get divorced" is an ill-advised sentiment for any wedding communication except an actual pre-nup

The prank
When we were in our late teens, Dan (the guy getting married) had a job at a clothes shop. There he worked with this girl called Vicky. Dan really liked her, and he was confident Vicky fancied him too (he was popular with girls at the time, but maybe not as popular as he thought he was). I had seen him and Vicky together at work and didn't notice any chemistry or interest from her.

Anyway, one day Dan, another friend and myself were playing Pro Evo, when Dan decides to take a toilet break. As soon as he left the room the other friend and myself had a moment of inspiration- we changed Vickys number in Dans phone to my number, and changed my number to hers. 

Over the next month and a half, my other friend and myself would have daily phone conversations with how we could wind him up and string him along. Texting aS Vicky, we told him that we were getting feelings for him, but we were too shy to speak with him face to face about it. I really don't know how we pulled it off, but we convinced him he must never mention anything related to their texts at work- and that if it was ever going to work with them, it would all have to escalate slowly via text. We poured hours of thought into every single text we sent, and I guess it's this attention to detail that allowed us to string him along for so long without him realising. The funny thing is, Dan would also be telling us about his text adventures with Vicky when we all met up, and he would exaggerate massively. I remember on one occasion him saying how she had texted that she wanted to suck him off, and me and my mate struggled to contain our laughter. Of course, we knew exactly what she actually said in the text because we sent it ourselves, and it definitely wasn't that.

Anyway, one day- about 6 weeks later- we were all playing Pro Evolution again, and Dan decides to take a toilet break. And at that moment we changed the phone numbers back again. And that was the end of it. Dan stopped talking about Vicky shortly after, and he never found out about it.

If someone told you they did this to you over 15 years ago, would you laugh?

You might get a punch in the teeth.

Kow wrote:

You might get a punch in the teeth.

Unless the bride is Vicky, obvs

Yea maybe I will take this one to the grave. We were real shits

The "prank" is more or less unknown here. People stare blankly at the idea of stag night "japes". And they're right, pranks are just offensively shit.

Don't tell him at his wedding noxy, but not knowing whether he'd laugh must be nagging you.

Because kids and grown ups love it so




(I know)

Write a letter of confession and give it to your solicitor, to be read out to him after you have shuffled off your mortal coil. Soften the blow by giving him your rope belt.

Agreed. Don’t mention it. What good would it do other than ease your conscience in which case it won’t help him, it’ll help you. So therefore a selfish act.

Don’t mention it.

Kow wrote:

You should write your confession up as a song, go to the wedding and stand up at some point, tap your wine glass and launch into a Monty Pythonesque falsetto rendering of it, all the while doing a bizarre dance. Then leave.

Actually yes, do that!!

Have you already tried just telling her to remember her fucking keys? Straight up “it’s totally unreasonable for you to keep waking the rest of us up at 4am, so if you can’t remember your keys please sleep at a friend’s house instead”.

Disconnect the doorbell.