Plornt's Christmas Tale - The Bear and Badger

Yossarian

Plornt.

[Deleted User]

Coopers Green wrote:

AW I HAD MY HOPES UP WHEN I CAME INTO THIS THREAD. Screw you guys. This is worse than seeing GTA V's post count increase.

+1
i only bumped cos it seemed forgotten about. ;(

Skerret

T'was the night before Bitchmas.

M0stly harm13ss

And all through the forum

GooberTheHat

Not a forumite was stirring.

Hodge360

Not even a dog?

M0stly harm13ss

Reg's stockings were nailed on the fireplace with care

GooberTheHat

In hope that St Skezza soon would be bare.

Skerret

oi

The forumites were posting in various threads

GooberTheHat

Whilst Gonzo and Unlikely pissed in their beds

RamSteelwood

And Brooks in her nightie, and Goobs in his cap

GooberTheHat

Had just lit a bowl, to smoke up some crack

Rev

And then g.man woke and two things happened. Firstly, he regretted even taking this assignment abroad, even though the pay packet was ridiculous.
Secondly he realised that for a 5 hour flight the plane was strangely very still.
There was tinsel and baubles hanging above every second seat. He examined the one closest to him and it had been sellotaped on. The bauble was an old glass affair, he remembered seeing loads of them when he was a child, as the tree was being decorated, and the slight taste of excitment in the air. And him being told off for touching them because they were fragile and they would break..
But that was then..
He reached up and gingerly flicked one with his finger. It made a slight ping.

What the fuck is going on? He thought to himself.
This thought itself was interrupted when he noticed there was a person almost leaning over him.. Standing, looking slightly confused and trying to smile.
'would you like a drink g.man?'

He was about to answer, then stopped.
how did they know his other name?

The question answered itself, as catching the light for a second, was a badge, with a edging of tinsel..
The badge said
'hi my name is...Tempy'

g.man

THIS IS A GOOD STORY.

Skerret

Read that as "the slight taste of excrement in the air" and then Tempy turned up and all became clear.

Tempy

Why I oughta

regmcfly

Tempy tastes of talcum and vomit I'll have you know.

WorKid

Tempy

What

Rev

Would you like a drink g.man?

Always, of course. He wondered for a second if he had missed the inflight meal. He wondered if it was steak.
Tempy stood there for a second, his glasses starting to steam up slightly through embarrassment and partly because the Santa hat he was wearing was making him too hot.
He placed a chilled pint of beer on the glass holder at the side of g.man's chair, smiled again and quickly moved on to the passenger in front. Baubles swinging slightly as he walked passed.
The plane baubles btw...

G.man picked up the glass, which was perfectly chilled, and as his brain screamed at him not to touch, to throw it away, he placed it to his lips and took a sip...
His mind sighed, smiled, and then settled for bliss in its confusion. It was the best beer he had tasted in a long time. It was if all his Christmases had come at once..

there were four seats per row, with an isle running up the middle, and g.man smiled as he realised the floor lights were fairy lights. he hadn't looked to see who was next to him. Turning to his right, the seat was empty, Though there was a badge sitting on the seat, but no owner.
The seat had a small reserved sign, the type you would see at a restaurant , and the badge said
'hi, my name is turtle o wurtle.'
There was a small jab of sadness as he read it.

I'm dreaming. I've necked too many of those cheap little in flight voddy bottles and im pissed. He thought to himself.

Three seats ahead, both seats were occupied. And loud voices were coming from both parties.

G.man stood up to see who it was. The seat was red velvet with a white trim.
And the plane was definitely not moving.

g.man

IT'S LIKE A DOCUMENTARY!

Rev

I think I should either commit and do this, or leave alone for plornt.

g.man

DO IT DO IT DO IT...

g.man

My Christmas period this year is a rancid nightmare. This is cheering me up.

+1

g.man

Skerret

Go for a holiday to the antipodes; we have women, beer and beerwomen.

Rev

Ok. Gimme time.

Plornt

January 7th 2013. It was early morning when a semi-bald fella turned on his computer, giving his eyes a chance to adjust to the bright light by taking another sip of the coffee. It was part of his morning routine, to check the B&B forum as well as his e-mail. The forum provided no substantial news; Revelthedog had just finished his 27th episode of his interpretation of g.man's life, Plornt'd said something stupid yet again, and regmcfly had posted a big post, explaining how sorry he was for letting those Journey-voters down by giving The Walking Dead the victory with the final, deciding vote in the "Game of the Year" awards. All was normal in the B&B tavern.

At this moment, he didn't know that there was an important e-mail waiting for him in his inbox. It might not be important looking at the world as a whole, but for a small part of the world's gaming population it would mean a great deal. G.man's eyes scanned through the inbox, filled with letters from nigerian housewives dying from cancer, well-esteemed doctors offering larger penises, and the odd Future Publishing offer for a great deal of some magazine.

G.man was in a rather bad mood of late. The financial crisis had finally hit the B&B community, and the future was red. That's when his attention came to an e-mail from with the subject "Invitation".

Dear The Bear and Badger admins!

We know it's hard to run a video game forum out of ones own pocket. I am delighted to welcome your forum to an informal tournament for video game forums in Europe. Despite the fact that most of video gamers does not know how to play football in real life, we challenge you to bring 6 or 7 players, a coach and whatever else you need to survive a week in Denmark. The tournament will start in three weeks, so we suggest you hurry up!

The winner of the tournament will receive the nice sum of Â£5000 to keep their forum running for a long, long time. Best of luck!

Best regards
Anders SÃ¶dergaard
Admin for some random danish video game forum

RIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!! G.man was ripped out of his reading when his cellphone started to scream. Peteys happy face grinned at him in the display. He never got used to that. Why did he buy this phone afterall? It had all these features he was way too old to even understand how worked, let alone how to use them.

- Yes?
- Heeeey, you got an important e-mail today, didn't you? Petey asked
- As a matter of fact, I receive lots of important e-mails every day, g.man replied as he marked seventeen messages in the inbox as spam.
- Yeah yeah, whatever, Petey sighed. - But did you get the one from that danish dude? Sounds like crazytalk to me, do we even have anyone in the forum who can handle anything but a joystick?
- Doesn't matter, I've already decided that we're going to apply to join this tournament. We need the money to save this forum!

Petey cursed himself for letting g.man in charge of the forum. Spending a week in Denmark, at the beginning of a new year, with several bears and badgers? Jesus, please no!
G.man continued:
- Me being at football stadiums every weekend, you know I see things. My eyes have such a hunger for knowledge, I bet I could do Alex Fergusons job for him by now. I'll be our coach. You'll be arranging everything else. First things first, we need players, I'll leave this honorable task to you, Petey. Do not let me down.

Petey sighed - Probably not for the last time...

To be continued....

Rev

Yeah!!! He's back!!!

[Deleted User]

please dont let me be killed and or raped this time....please!

also....no reason we cant have 2 stories....just shows how much better than the old place this is!

three1ne

Yes! I am happy for a raping. A killing first.

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