revelthedog wrote:

I wish that this place never dies.

Following a further attempt to introduce a badger cull to the British Isles, the humble badger becomes something of a symbol to right wing country folk, who feel it is somehow analogous to their curious fascistic fantasies about England being invaded by outsiders, and losing all that is true to England.  A protest group, The Bear and Badger is formed (the bears representing aggressive resistance on behalf of the Badgers).  They discover the web address has already been taken, so decide to invade the forum and co-opt it for themselves.  Pete is bribed substantially to allow them full access, and soon we all flee from this invasion of upper crust Nazis.  

Meanwhile the B&Bs as they have become known (their propaganda fashioned after old Bed & Breakfast signs, listing all those no longer allowed in the country) - are able to bring about massive social change, thanks to their vast sums of cash, and being related to pretty much everyone in Government.  Not content to leave it at that, they lead the push towards a New British Empire, chiefly by nuking every other country of the face of the planet.  There is inevitable global armageddon.  A small ruling Elite remain, somewhere in a concrete bunker in Sussex, their soul job - to maintain the Bear and Badger, toxic symbol for all they stand for, for ever...

Stopharage wrote:

I wish every Nissan Micra was vanquished from the globe. Horrendous things.

Nissan Micras across the globe disappear suddenly, depositing their drivers in the middle of motorways.  There are massive fatalities.

acemuzzy wrote:

I'd like  - artistic talent (all disciplines)  - an extra 6 hours a day to spend between friends, family, hobbies and sleep  - happiness for me, friends and family, now and through the generations ahead tanx ram, nice one buddy

You become frustrated at everyone elses lack of artist vision, to cope you turn to drink but with 30 hours a day to fill the drink weighs heavy on your body.
The hapiness of your friends and family is short lived as you follow the same route as all the greats and dance drunkenly around the set of Terry Wogan's talk show brandishing a jug of vodka and orange.

I wish for more of these pithy deconstructions of wishes.

Tempy wrote:

GooberTheHat wrote:

I wish I as as good at football as Gareth bale, christiano ronaldo and Lionel messi combined, and that I was as healthy as I was when I was 18.

You become a wanker.

Liveinadive wrote:

GooberTheHat wrote:

I wish I as as good at football as Gareth bale, christiano ronaldo and Lionel messi combined, and that I was as healthy as I was when I was 18.

You become a wanker.

Ah, but I already am.

And then contract boneitis

You turn into such a massive wanker that you stop being able to do anything other than sit around masturbating all day every day. You have no time for sleeping, eating or drinking as you're too busy tugging at your cock whilst staring at yourself in the mirror (yes, you're masturbating over your own reflection. Massive wanker, remember?). Eventually the skin on your cock starts to become red and raw and it becomes painful to continue, yet you cannot stop until you eventually ejaculate out the last of the moisture in your body and keel over, a dried out, dedicated husk of a man.

I wish I had the ability to write one (I only want one) novel that is so dazzling it gets unanimous praise, and no one ever critiques it until hundreds of years after I die and the royalties kept me sweet for the rest of my life.

I'm okay with Salinger-esque consequences.

Diluted Dante wrote:

I got a Doctor Who Collected Stories CD for Christmas, and the OP reminds me very much of the first story, The Stone Rose. Ram, have you just watched Aladdin by any chance?

I've got a four year old daughter, I get to watch Aladdin or a different Disney film about 3 times a day!

Stopharage wrote:

tin_robot wrote:

Stopharage wrote:

I wish every Nissan Micra was vanquished from the globe. Horrendous things.

Nissan Micras across the globe disappear suddenly, depositing their drivers in the middle of motorways.  There are massive fatalities.

You've sold it to me. Death to Micra drivers is a bonus. Hogging the fast lane of A-roads whilst travelling at 27mph, barely seeing over the steering wheel and having no concept of using your mirrors.

Sadly the shock of seeing a Micra disappear in front of him, causes a truck driver to lose control of the wheel, sending his lorry full of highly flammable materials straight into your home, which is immediately engulfed in a ball of flame.

Also I have gone back in time and inserted a deconstruction of Goober's wish on the previous page, just to stop him winning.

Stopharage wrote:

tin_robot wrote:

Stopharage wrote:

tin_robot wrote:

Stopharage wrote:

I wish every Nissan Micra was vanquished from the globe. Horrendous things.

Nissan Micras across the globe disappear suddenly, depositing their drivers in the middle of motorways.  There are massive fatalities.

You've sold it to me. Death to Micra drivers is a bonus. Hogging the fast lane of A-roads whilst travelling at 27mph, barely seeing over the steering wheel and having no concept of using your mirrors.

Sadly the shock of seeing a Micra disappear in front of him, causes a truck driver to lose control of the wheel, sending his lorry full of highly flammable materials straight into your home, which is immediately engulfed in a ball of flame.

Fortunately I was out at the time, had a fairly hefty home insurance policy and my wife's life assurance gives me more riches than I could ever imagine. I rebuild the castle from Edward Scissorhands, topiary and all; I now life in a Micra-free, wife-free world where I can afford to assassinate anyone I despise. Westlife go first.

Haunted forever by the ghosts of your wife, and an army of Zombie Micra drivers, their stinking corpses shuffling slowly in front of you wherever you go, until your last frustrated breath.

God damn it, thought I had it sussed.