Bullshitter Thread. Post ya bullshitters here - The Bear and Badger

mk64

When I was at college I got the nickname blagger because my group of college friends didn’t believe any of the things I would tell them about things which were happening in my life. About 18 months later I arrived in the pub and everyone was there and they sat me down in the spare seat with a full pint in my spot. Really formal etc and I thought wtf is going on. Then then proceeded to apologise for calling me blagger as they had basically managed to verify everything I’d said was true. I told them I didn’t mind at all and those 6 guys still call me it to this day (although sadly I rarely see them).

Once went on a holiday to butlins or something and my mate and I met two boys from Cardiff. We decided to like about our names. No idea why. I think we didn’t think we would be spending longer than an hour with them. Turned out they were sound as fuck and when we all got back to our homes we arranged to stay with them. They were still calling us by our fake names. Only got rumbled when his mum phoned mine after the week we had spent at theirs to check we had a good time and it all came out. Was really ashamed tbh

davyK

Brooks wrote:

davyK wrote:

A mate of mine is/was the greatest bullshitter for larks I have ever known. His 2nd best is the time he told a girl in work who had just got a new Rolex it was a shame about the time system going metric . reducing her to floods of tears. His #1 was the time he told a girl in the pub that he was a jockey (he is of a jockey stature). He had her on all fours in the bar with him on her back, showing everyone how to sit on a racing horse. The crowd left the place with the name of a fictional horse as a hot tip.

We can only aspire to this tier of pantomime, wow.

His true skill was picking the right person as a foil or muse. The lady horse was up for a lark clearly.

JMW

Mate of mine when I was about 10, called Tim, said that his uncle - the actor Martin Jarvis (and I *think* that bit's true) - invented the term spunk as another word for 'yer jism'. And now I think that bit's bollocks. Although someone must have.

The_Emperor_of_Sand

Mong the High Wizard is the Lord of Bullshit.
so sayeth the Sandsayer Prime.

davyK

My Dad wasn't a bullshitter but he discombobulated me with the names he had for people - sometimes for things and places. He had a nickname for most people. Listening to him required knowledge of his mindset.

His nicknames invariably were based on their appearance but it would never be obvious. Or it would be based on rhyming slang he made up.

A friend of my sisters when in their teens called Paul had the moniker Toby. I only found out yesterday it was because he thought Paul looked like a Toby Jug. When I heard this yesterday I belly laughed. Looking back Paul did look a bit like a Toby Jug. He would call Paul Toby to his face sometimes. The genius of it.

He referred to my sister's father in law as Puss in Boots. Never to his face though... When I asked why he called him that it was because he reminded him of a cat. The shape of his face and his white facial hair. It was an astute and amazing observation. And once you saw it you couldn't unsee it. I never knew anyone who could do it as well as my Dad.

Until I picked up a Tarzan book in my teens I thought Tarzan of the Apes was Tarzan of the Grapes.

Moot_Geeza

I love a good nickname. Tricky to explain why some work so well but you know when the sweet spot's been hit.

RamSteelwood

i think the footballer Fitz Hall having the nickname 'one size' might still be the best nickname.

GurtTractor

Scout

A nickname I heard recently that tickled me was a guy called Campbell Baxter getting called Two Soups.

davyK

Stolen valour is a weird thing that eejits in the US indulge in. Plenty of YT content on that.

Lord_Griff

Two soups. Nice work.

Moot_Geeza

Yep it's a good'un.

JulieWalters.gif

GooberTheHat

davyK wrote:

Stolen valour is a weird thing that eejits in the US indulge in. Plenty of YT content on that.

Some of the "Walter Mitty Hunting Clubs" are pretty shitty though. They hounded one guy, who it turns out was totally legitimate, so badly that he developed severe depression and had to leave the army.

RamSteelwood

Scout wrote:

A nickname I heard recently that tickled me was a guy called Campbell Baxter getting called Two Soups.

Noice

SpaceGazelle

My uncle told me the ball girls and boys at Wimbledon were orphans and I believed him for years.

Kow

My mother told me sugar was actually worm eggs. I believed this for an embarrassingly long time.

Moot_Geeza

My mate told me one I enjoyed recently. When he was young he suffered from nosebleeds, to the point where he eventually had to have something up the snoz cauterised. His mum was a huge X-Files fan/loved Hairlike mysteries, and had a paricularly wicked sense of humour. He was scared about the constant nosebleeds as a child anyway, but eventually his mum decided that he was old enough to know the 'truth': that he'd been abducted by aliens as a baby, and the nosebleeds meant that THEIR SPACEHIP WAS NEAR. This pretty much ruined young Gav during every nosebleed for years, but he begrudgingly saw the funny side eventually (while admitting that it properly messed him up). Mama Gav has a harsh SOH.

Moot_Geeza

Double post

SpaceGazelle

LoL.

Wookienopants

Moot_Geeza wrote:

My mate told me one I enjoyed recently. When he was young he suffered from nosebleeds, to the point where he eventually had to have something up the snoz cauterised. His mum was a huge X-Files fan/loved Hairlike mysteries, and had a paricularly wicked sense of humour. He was scared about the constant nosebleeds as a child anyway, but eventually his mum decided that he was old enough to know the 'truth': that he'd been abducted by aliens as a baby, and the nosebleeds meant that THEIR SPACEHIP WAS NEAR. This pretty much ruined young Gav during every nosebleed for years, but he begrudgingly saw the funny side eventually (while admitting that it properly messed him up). Mama Gav has a harsh SOH.

Oh god this is brilliant. Evil genius and I love it

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