I quite like most of the security guards I know (many of whom are ex doormen who don't miss it).

Moot_Geeza wrote:

I quite like most of the security guards I know (many of whom are ex doormen who don't miss it).

We don't do nuance here. Get with the program.

afgavinstan wrote:

People that rip the cunt out of having a baby. Three days in a row I've seen the same colleague come in during her mat leave with her new born, three times having crowds of people around her and the pram, the same people fawning. Three fuckin days straight! Three! FFS.

Updated the list. Good call.

In my current role, we have a team of researchers who also do admin. They’re invaluable. But by fuck, they’re fucking awful at stapling.

Stapling isn’t difficult. Tap the paper on the desk so it’s aligned, and apply the staple in the corner about, what, 0.5-1.5 cm from each edge. I personally prefer a horizontal staple, but vertical and diagonal are both acceptable, if (obviously) inferior.

If I ever see them approaching me with loose sheets in one hand, and a stapler in the other, I do my best to save the paper before the damage is done.

I’ve been handed multi-page documents where no two sheets were aligned before they were impaled with a staple a full two inches from the corner. One of them routinely sets her stapler so that the prongs bend outwards. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would do that. I’m not a fucking animal.

The only relief is that, at this point in my life, I can swiftly and deftly remove staples without damaging the paper. That said, I am so proficient that others call upon me for my skills, thus undoing the benefits of such expertise.

Great responsibility truly does come with great power.

Fucks sake, muzzy, that list is already out of date. What are you doing to me?

Andy wrote:

I personally prefer a horizontal staple, but vertical and diagonal are both acceptable, if (obviously) inferior.

Diagonal is clearly better, you get a nice angle on the fold.

Moot_Geeza wrote:

People who press random buttons to call lifts whether they're going up or down.

Good call. Also, people who press up absent-mindedly when they are going down.

Ram 'em up against a lift wall with a hospital bed, Gav.

It's the only language they understand.

That slag.

afgavinstan wrote:

Lvl3 in our hospital is where all the offices are. The vast majority of people who work there are absolutely able-bodied, but our lifts have a weird thing where if someone requests a lift from Lvl3, or goes into a lift and tells it to go to lvl3, it supersedes any other command.

So when I have a patient on a trolley and I have to go on a ride to lvl3 just cos Sharon from accounts canny be fucked getting the stairs after her riddled-with-salt salad and diet coke from the restaurant cos yknow, she's on a diet these days, it fucking riles me up no end. Cunts.

I don't get mad about short lift use any more after I thought about invisible disabilities.

The level 3 thing is weird though.

Double sided printing Andy, think of the planet.

Paul the sparky wrote:

Double sided printing Andy, think of the planet.

I do print double sided. Always. There’s still no need to fold.

If you fold then, once you’re done, the top left corners lift up. Then they’re more likely to catch, and tear, and then the physical integrity of the document is undermined, and it makes you look unprofessional.

I'm professional as fuck. Fold and flip, it's the only way, never had a corner catch and tear because I'm not useless.

I remember one of my few gripes in this thread being about staples, check this abuse out:

@sparky

The fuck is that?

Kow wrote:

Add Tempy to the list.

What he do?