Middle Age - The Bear and Badger

monkey

Most music videos seem to be soft porn now. Soft porn is now hard porn. Hard porn is now revolting crimes against nature.

poprock

Guys have it good, really. Most of us improve with age. We get wiser, better paid, and more attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex, if we swing that way) and generally it all comes for very little effort. In return we have to take on a bit more responsibility and stop going out on the lash quite so often. Which is fine, because the pubs are all too noisy and full of wanker kids anyhow.

Gremill

monkey wrote:

Most music videos seem to be soft porn now. Soft porn is now hard porn. Hard porn is now revolting crimes against nature.

One thing that this thread has taught me is that people still make music videos. Who knew?

Syph79

Played in a football match against yr5 and 6 kids today. After 15 mins of running I thought I was going to die. I need to get fit again.

cockbeard

couch to 10k, also they have some bodyweight programmes as well, I've been on them the last fortnight feel fantastic, well apart from being an idiot and pulling my hamstring the other day, shuold've followed their timetable not my own ridiculously accelrated one

HawBawJaws

Gremill wrote:

monkey wrote:

Most music videos seem to be soft porn now. Soft porn is now hard porn. Hard porn is now revolting crimes against nature.

One thing that this thread has taught me is that people still make music videos. Who knew?

Funniest shit I've ever seen is music videos with signing for the deaf - the signer tried to get into it, sign and dance at the same time.

I know I'm going to hell for it, but i was pishing myself at it.

Syph79

cockbeard wrote:

couch to 10k, also they have some bodyweight programmes as well, I've been on them the last fortnight feel fantastic, well apart from being an idiot and pulling my hamstring the other day, shuold've followed their timetable not my own ridiculously accelrated one

Cheers. I'm looking into it now. Passed a Police entry fitness test last year, with little preparation, but haven't done anything since.

Escape

RamSteelwood wrote:

Part of my brain did try a bit of "corr, would!, look at them 'uns" but it was only half-hearted and got drowned out by the older grumpier part shouting "they're too young for us to ogle and kids shouldn't be exposed to this shite"

That's pining for our lost youths; that's what that is. The vicariousness of young people's sexuality's probably its most powerful trigger. The most painful thing for me is that I can't account for my twenties. It's as if I went to sleep at 21 and woke up at 33.

Watching England take their pelanties the other day, my dad's leg was twitching. He's 70. G can be the star striker.

Wookienopants

Escape wrote:

RamSteelwood wrote:

Part of my brain did try a bit of "corr, would!, look at them 'uns" but it was only half-hearted and got drowned out by the older grumpier part shouting "they're too young for us to ogle and kids shouldn't be exposed to this shite"

That's pining for our lost youths; that's what that is. The vicariousness of young people's sexuality's probably its most powerful trigger.

I often find myself looking at the 18/19 year old girls wearing skimpy outfits in my gym classes and going between "phwoaaaar!" And "my god she's so damn young, why is she wearing an outfit that looks painted on? It's obscene. And what would I even do with an 18 year old? She looks exhausting. I mean, what would we even talk about??"

HawBawJaws

Wookienopants wrote:

And what would I even do with an 18 year old? She looks exhausting. I mean, what would we even talk about??"

This. Some of the young lassies in my work try flirting with me (usually when they want a shift swap authourised or a day off or something) if i were younger, id be daft enough to think about shagging them if i could get away with it, and probably give them what they're after. These days though, i imagine it'd be like when you see an old tired dog with an excitable wee puppy hanging from its ears.

The patter as well. What the fuck does 'lit af' mean? Or 'thats so ratchet'.......

Wookienopants

Oh no idea. I can't keep up with kids lingo nowadays. With their snapchats and instagrams and interweb speaks

tigersgogrrr

You guys are so old lol.

tigersgogrrr

I bet you don't even have your own favourite Youtubers.

Wookienopants

THIS. THIS.
How are you tubers celebrities?!?
I have a class of 10 year olds who aspire to be like their favourite YouTuber!! Why is this a thing??

Wookienopants

"I have a YouTube channel! Will you watch it sir?"

NO! NO I WILL NOT!
What do you possibly have to contribute that's important enough to validate you having a YouTube channel at your age? Also I do not want to be in a register!

HawBawJaws

Other overused words:

Chick

Actual

Babes

And 'celebrities' on YouTube and Instagram. What are they famous for exactly? Kids in my work bang on about 'celebrity' love island. Google it, never heard of any of them. Not one.

Wookienopants

HawBawJaws wrote:

Other overused words:

Chick

Actual

Babes

And 'celebrities' on YouTube and Instagram. What are they famous for exactly? Kids in my work bang on about 'celebrity' love island. Google it, never heard of any of them. Not one.

They're all a bunch of talentless cunts

Wookienopants

The "celebrities" not the kids at your work

djchump

HawBawJaws wrote:

The patter as well. What the fuck does 'lit af' mean? Or 'thats so ratchet'.......

"Lit af" is a reference to the old coastal beacon system; "lit a'fire". The phrase is a general signifier of danger.

"That's so ratchet" is double-rhyming slang - "ratchet and clank" -> "merchant bank" -> "merchant navy". The phrase means "that's so awful I am off to join the merchant navy to avoid it".

HawBawJaws

No, they're mostly talentless cunts as well......

HawBawJaws

djchump wrote:

HawBawJaws wrote:

The patter as well. What the fuck does 'lit af' mean? Or 'thats so ratchet'.......

"Lit af" is a reference to the old coastal beacon system; "lit a'fire". The phrase is a general signifier of danger.

"That's so ratchet" is double-rhyming slang - "ratchet and clank" -> "merchant bank" -> "merchant navy". The phrase means "that's so awful I am off to join the merchant navy to avoid it".

Aaaaaahhhhhh i see.

acemuzzy

Lit af = lit as fuck = highly lit = relating to high literature = Shakespearean. Eg. "Viola? That name is lit af".

That's so ratchet = I would like to ratchet it up a notch or two = I'd like a notch of my bed post for that shizzle. Eg "have you seen YouTube channel X. She so ratchet."

HawBawJaws

See, i know shizzle, as in 'shizzle my nizzle my bizzle', is that making a comeback? That'd be off da heezy fo sheezy.

equinox_code

Has anyone ever had any luck shifting the inevitable micro belly? I eat quite well and I exercise, yet neither seems to have slowed the gradual change in my shape. It makes me a bit self conscious being topless

monkey

I got rid of my micro belly by developing a massive one. PM me for tips.

Wookienopants

HawBawJaws wrote:

See, i know shizzle, as in 'shizzle my nizzle my bizzle', is that making a comeback? That'd be off da heezy fo sheezy.

I like trying to be cool by making up words when the kids use slang in my class.

"Yea kids, it's so shamalamadingdong it's almost razzlekicks"

Kow

Stealing words from Kermode will definitely make you look cool.

Skerret

equinox_code wrote:

Has anyone ever had any luck shifting the inevitable micro belly? I eat quite well and I exercise, yet neither seems to have slowed the gradual change in my shape. It makes me a bit self conscious being topless

Burn more energy than you consume.

Kow

Don't listen to him. Chocolate is the answer.

Wookienopants

Kow wrote:

Stealing words from Kermode will definitely make you look cool.

How do you look cool with the kids?

You just look cool with the kids.

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