Approaching a woman wouldn't be so much of a problem if so many if these interactions didn't end up in harassment and/or assault and/or rape.

There's a divide between men and women because of the way we're socially structured. That divide is informed by power. This is further exacerbated in men that have a need for control and feel entitled to sexual gratification.

Reducing objectification is a really key way to repaint women as people. Societal attitudes to what's acceptable help, and hats off to anyone that calls out bad behaviour, but these changes are slow and frustrating.

In the meantime, reports of "minor" transgressions inevitably go no where because without evidence of physical harm then it's a he-said-she-said situation. Women should be believed but with no corroborating evidence, a man will get away with it. There are many stories of poor responses from the police, from not being believed or even being asked if they enjoyed the attention (according to one Twitter comment I've seen in the sea of many).

This emboldens men who go on to repeat these behaviours and escalate them.

So each time a man comes up to a woman and she's not looking for that kind of attention, all of this flashes behind the mind's eye. "It could be this time". "should I risk it?" "Does he seem alright?" "What happens if I turn him down?"

It's subconscious. Done before you even know it's been assessed.

I've been pretty cavalier in the past looking back on it now. I've gone home on my own from town drunk, getting into black cabs on my own, many times. I'm fine with walking on streets most of the time but when I'm walking down a dodgy street at night, I'm probably just as nervous as the next guy of being jumped. But women also carry the fear of rape.

If I have to walk the dog at night, I carry a nice metal torch with a very wavy head which would fucking hurt if it was jammed at someone's temple. It's really so I can see what I'm doing when Holly poops. But it feels better knowing I've got my hand around it in my pocket. I avoid the park after 8 if I'm on my own. I barely went out in the dark with Holly over winter this year. Not really much reason to be out at night this year. Thanks, covid.

I dunno where this is going, really. I'm glad that there's a really lively discussion on this in my social media spaces. Most are stories and not a lot of voices are saying that it's bullshit fear of fear type stuff.

I guess... Keep on talking?

I think Reg mentioned something really interesting earlier, about his student who clearly knew doing x was wrong, but didn't know that x was what he was doing. This is probably a thing to make explicit. What do you mean by harassment? What do you mean by sexual assault? How do I tell if my attention is unwanted?

Lastly, fucking Romcoms can go in the bin. If nothing else, they legitimise ignoring rejection, stalking, public- and attention-seeking displays of affection, and just downright harassment.

Romcoms may be very responsible for perpetuating "you know she wants it" attitudes.