Ask the Bear & Badger - The Bear and Badger

poprock

davyK wrote:

Dress smart. Look good. Doesn't have to be a suit. It's a wedding. Just don't be that guy.

Even that guy made an effort for ours at the weekend. Never seen him in anything but long shorts and a fishing brand T-shirt, as long as I’ve known him. For the wedding he turned up in the full Scottish – kilt, white shirt, sporran. Doc Martens instead of the proper shoes, pair of mirrored Oakleys, and a black leather Aussie cowboy hat with crocodile teeth around the front. He actually looked smart.

AJ

poprock wrote:

Dunno if that changes anyone's responses.

Just dress smart. Same as you would for a funeral. Suit is a good option, yes, but smart trousers and a shirt works fine. Go with a tie though, and shoes not trainers.

Last funeral I went to, I wore a red t-shirt, light grey jacket and stonewashed blue jeans. I'd probably swap the red t-shirt for black with that outfit at a wedding.

Unless it's with a suit, I don't like the thought of leather shoes, but wouldn't think trainers are a good idea. Deck shoes are my usual go-to for smart outfits. Usually red.

Kow

Or don't go. Weddings, just say no.

Can't stand them and I've decided that outside of immediate family I'm not going to any more. I'll send money, gifts, whatever. But I'm not going.

AJ

Luckily, I only ever get invited to weddings of close friends, so there aren't many of them. Others I likely would.

Anyway, I've already agreed to this one and confirmed my food choices; it'd be incredibly rude to pull out now.

Roujin

Chinos, white shirt, tie and a blazer are great for weddings, if you have balls drop the tie for a bow tie. Perfectly smart enough for most weddings and sets you apart from the suit crowd.

Make sure it's a blazer tho not a suit jacket. Pro tip if not sure, blazers are not structured in the shoulder usually and normally only have one or two buttons.

Edit: forgot to say, this pay is largely in agreement with livedive and his blazerbois recommendation.

Kow

Just drop the tie altogether. Nothing wrong with just a nice shirt and jacket.

poprock

Thing is, the tie is a really easy (and affordable) way of smartening up. Taking it to the next level, as it were.

Nice shoes are essential though. Non-negotiable.

Kow

Can't stand ties, stupidest piece of clothing ever. After spats, maybe.

AJ

Nice shoes (of the normal/leather nice shoe variety) are the least likely thing to happen.

poprock

I think we’ve all fired in with outfit advice for AJ when what he really wanted was opinions on giving a cash gift when the couple have been refusing gifts from family.

I’d go with a voucher, in your situation. They won’t be expecting anything, but if you want to give a gift it’s your decision. Physical presents are often unwanted now that couples marry later in life and already have ‘stuff’. Cash is a bit awkward and can be embarrassing. Vouchers are a good third way. Get them a voucher for a restaurant near where they live, or a voucher for a really general store (John Lewis is always a good shout, but maybe Amazon works well in this day and age?)

We explicitly mentioned in our invitations that we didn’t want gifts, but there are always some guests who ignore that and buy something anyway. For us, it was all either vouchers or bottles of champagne. Both are things we’re delighted to have been given, even though we expected/wanted nothing.

Oh, and one couple gave us a piece of art. They’re pretty successful artists and that was an amazingly thoughtful thing to do.

[Deleted User]

Kow wrote:

Just drop the tie altogether. Nothing wrong with just a nice shirt and jacket.

My advice is to take a tie even if you don't wear it.
Feel to informal, on goes the tie.

Can turn up without it on and pass it off as not wanting to get choked out while travelling.

AJ

It was a bit of both, Pop, so thanks for that. I have a personal thing against vouchers over cash, though. Art would be nice, but I honestly don't know their tastes in that.

I'm starting to feel that the best thing might be to buy a nice, new outfit.

Hodge360

davyK wrote:

Hodge360 wrote:

Not really.....

Well it is. Otherwise just go off on your own to a registry office with your arse hanging out of your trousers and then get on with life. I know being there is actually more important though. I suppose if you know the bride/groom well enough you should dress in a way that you guess they would expect.

The point of a wedding is to have people you care about witness you promise your life to one person.
Making an effort goes without saying but getting hung up on it all goes against the point. Next question will be how much the gift should be. More nonsense that's crept in contrary to the spirit of the occasion.
For what its worth, I got married in a suit but didn't wear a tie.

davyK

Yep. Being there is more important. And I'd hate to think of someone not going because they don't have what they consider appropriate to wear. It depends what you can get away with. Different people can carry off different looks. Some people need to spend big money on a suit to look good - others can get away for a cheaper off-the-peg. Some will look bad no matter how good the cut and need something different.

I used to like ties but I've gone off them. I used to wear suit and tie in work every day. Mainly because I don't have to think about what to wear to work. Haven't worn a tie in years and I'm not buying another suit until my weight loss levels off. I'd still wear a suit and tie to a wedding but that's just me. It's becoming less popular. I'm just glad to be going to a wedding instead of funeral nowadays.

I've noticed wedding presents not being what they were. With a lot of people already living together they have lost their purpose. It was all about helping people set up a home in the past.

[Deleted User]

Yeah, most people are set up at home now.
All the weddings I have been to for people my age group ask for money towards their honeymoon.

Djornson

Where do ya'll go on holiday? We (wife + 3 year old + 1 year old) just been to a haven near poole called rockley park. it was great but we got a good deal, full prices are crazy. Looking for June ish next year during school time (older one not starting proper school until September 2019.) Must be near a decent beach (swanage/bournemouth close enough to poole,) I kinda like the caravan thing because you get your own outdoor space. Would consider abroad. Just typing it makes me think we will probably go same place again lol

AJ

My family rents a chalet and caravan on a farm in Cornwall, other than a period from late teens to early thirties, we've done that since I was little. Small beach down the road, countryside surrounding, it's pretty nice.

Diluted Dante

Does there exist a typing game that uses a Guitar Hero style format to help you learn the placement of keys? For example, this is part of the tutorials on typing.com, I'd quite like a game that works like that.

three1ne

There's that House of the Dead game where you type letters correctly to kill zombies.

Sounds like such a bad lie.

Edit - Typing of the Dead.

three1ne

My car broke down while I was at service station and ended up being there almost 3 hours until someone jump started me.

Just received a parking charge notice. 100 quid. 60 if I pay now. Been looking at advice online and a lot of people recommend to completely ignore it.

Anybody have advice?

The Daddy

Watched a thing recently. Private parking charges aren’t backed by criminal law, they’re a civil thing. Essentially you’ve breached the contract you agreed to when you parked your car in their car park. If you don’t pay they can take you to civil court. You might be able to negotiate the cost down but they’re usually absolute twats so I doubt you’d have much luck.

Depends whether you want to chance it to see if they’ll take you to court, which would probably end up costing you much more since it doesn't sound like it was an unjust charge, just unlucky.

WorKid

Call them and explain. We did that once, it went away. YMMV.

Eric

Advice I have heard is that you completely ignore it as they can't prove it was you driving the car. As soon as you respond you confirm the contract and kerblammo I think you have to pay up.

There's another thing about the company being registered to a certain body that means that you should pay up too. I'll try and dig that advice out.

Martin Lewis comes to the rescue:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/private-parking-tickets/

WorKid

I'm never convinced ignore it and hope it goes away is a brilliant approach.

GooberTheHat

From citizens advice

You’ve a strong reason to appeal if you were given a ticket while waiting for your car to be fixed or towed away – the ticket issuer should understand that you couldn’t move it. See appealing a parking ticket for the types of evidence to include in your appeal.

Your parking ticket should be cancelled if one of the reasons on this page applies to you.

It’s free to make an informal appeal by contacting whoever gave you the parking ticket, so it’s well worth trying.

You can’t be taken to court while you’re informally appealing, so your credit rating won’t be affected. You’ll only be taken to court if your appeal is unsuccessful, and you don’t pay the ticket or appeal to a tribunal.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/parking-tickets/appealing-parking-tickets/when-to-appeal-a-parking-ticket/

Stopharage

My friend got a parking ticket whilst on a yellow line. He got another mate (who owns a garage) to confirm that it was broken down and the parking fine was waived. Probably worth you getting the RAC/whoever to send you through the paperwork/confirmation email etc. and sending it to the parking fine company. Even if it ends up in a civil court you'll then win.

yourfavouriteuncle

Yup. It’ll be a hassle but you can’t be charged for parking your car if you couldn’t actually move it. Rung them up and ask what the appeals process is.

AJ

Do you have to go through an appeals process if it's a private company? I was under they impression you just have to tell them the facts and it's their job to deal with it. Otherwise, unscrupulous types could make it a real hassle for people.

The Daddy

I think unscrupulous types and private parking charges go hand-in-hand.

The Daddy

I think unscrupulous types and private parking charges go hand-in-hand.

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