Dilute it in warm water, get a cloth and clean your peeper with it. The hotter the better, as it breaks up whatever shite is blocking the pore, but don't scald yourself ffs we need you in the crows nest.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Is it possible to have hayfever and a cold at the same time? Because that's what I've got. I tell yeh, it's coming out of all orifices

Colds can also lead to hay fever like symptoms.

I think I have plantar fasciitis as my heel constantly feels like it's bruised and walking is painful. I'm almost certain this is due to being overweight at the moment. I have a tendency to eat a lot of junk when I'm stressed and the last year has been stressful. So, while I try and get some kilos off, is there anything I can do to reduce the pain? Would a foot spa be any good?

Likewise. Rested for 6 weeks, was fine after that.

i've got 'ulnar nerve entrapment at the elbow', often referred to as golfer's elbow (which is ironic since i don't really play golf anymore).
basically it's the nerve you hit when you bang your 'funny bone', so it's permanent pins and needles in the bottom part of my hand, and every time i bend my arm past about 90 degrees it must catch the nerve and I get that electric shock feeling like when you bang your funny bone.
according to the doc i just need to rest it and it should get better within a YEAR!

Bloody hell. Was the doc able to tell you what probably caused that, Ram?

Mother fucking gout is paying me a visit again!

I'm pretty sure it's triggered by the hot weather and dehydration, rather than all the venison and port I'm scoffing. 

Currently self medicating with various anti-inflams and codeine. Vit C, zinc, lemon and ginger.

Tin I want somebody to kill me now, will my doctor actually be able to help or will I just have to ride this out?

@Skade - Your doctor will be able to help you out, and in the meantime anti-inflammatories (like ibuprofen) are the right thing to do - just don't take it on an empty stomach, or if you have a history of asthma/ stomach problems.  If this isn't the first time you've had gout, then you should probably have a serious conversation about preventative treatments.  It used to be that we only offered this if you had a lot of attacks, but the evidence now is for giving preventative treatment quite early as it reduces the risk of chronic arthritis in later life (and possibly reduces the risk of heart disease).

With respect to diet, the current recommendation is the DASH diet.  I'll let you google it, but the main headlines are lots of fruit, veg, nuts, wholegrain etc and very little sugary drinks, red or processed meat, and salt.

@Ram - yeah, resting is the most important part of treating golfer's elbow.  I wouldn't go waiting a year though.  if it's not settling after a couple of weeks of rest and pain relief, speak to the doctor about physio (there are some simple stretches you can do) or  if worst comes to worst, a steroid injection (doesn't cure the underlying problem, but resolves pain - just make sure they know what they're doing).

@Kow Plantar fasciitis is horrible, and the main treatment is, again, rest.  Make sure you wear decent supportive shoes - don't go barefoot, and avoid sandals and flip-flops like the plague.  Go the the chemist and pick up some heel pads for your shoes - make sure they're a decent thickness - then cut a small hole in them that corresponds with the most tender part of your foot to try and stop it making contact with the shoe at all.  Again, if it drags on, physio can sometimes help, and anti-inflammatories can be effective.  If it's really unbearable you could talk to your GP about steroid injection - but I'll warn you now, having an injection into your heel is bloody painful.

Thanks Tin, booked myself in with the doctor will get on the allopurinol.

Might have to ask Rouj to teach me how to be a Soy boy.

I've all but dropped red meat recently and feel much better for it. That is a good first step.

I also restricted all meat to just my main evening meal.

I will break the rules if eating out or invited to someone else's house but those aren't often.

Pescatarianism FTW.

I could never give up meat. Slaughter more animals, world.

They aren't but it is quite common for people who give up one to give up the other.