Andy wrote:

I suspect I may be wasting my time answering your question.

That depends entirely on how complex FIFA is. I want to learn it, but only so I can explain to somebody else how to play in under a minute. Without that, it's essentially pointless.

I shall now make a cup of tea and, after checking out my new Pro Controller, go though what you've said with the game running.

I should just get that Sensi reboot, shouldn't I?

Mother fucker, there's not even mention of whether the Switch version is still coming, let alone when it'll be out.

[quote="Andy"You’re controlling the player who has the icon over them. I’m not sure how much more obvious you can get.[/quote]

Nobody had an icon over them. Guess it must be buggy as well as lacking any kind of consideration for beginners.

Across from that, you’ll find ‘Gameplay Controls’, which tells you every button you need. It’s broken down into the basics you need to know to get going, and more advanced things you can learn later. If you go into ‘Skill Games’, that walks you through most of it.

Okay, I'll let the poorly designated controls slide, gonna give the stupidly named walk through a go.

Switch, yeah. It was whatever the "play a game now" option was.

I've also realised that the controls may not be poorly designated if you understand football terminology properly.

Straight As on the tutorial, so far.

I'm definitely getting the hang of things now and can definitely see a pretty fucking decent game behind the nightmare of a front-end. It's also a lot better now I've figured out how to turn the menu music off.

Trouble is, I think maybe one of my friends has played FIFA in the last decade or so and this is way too complex to be played properly in a casual manner. I'm worried that once I've got enough of a hang of it to explain to others how to play, I'll be too competent at it for a match with a beginner to be any fun for either of us and I'm not sure there's anyone I game with regularly that's going to be interested in getting up to speed.

I'm actually really disappointed because, mechanically, it seems like something I could properly enjoy if I was playing against someone, but I reckon almost all the people I could play with regularly are just going to suggest we switch to Mario Kart after the first match if they can't instantly click with it. Did not expect to be this bummed about it.

That is entirely possible, given the quality of the UI.

Yes, I'd hope to find Micro Machines or, at a push, Hot Wheels.

Yeah Andy, why didn't you mention that?

I'm sure somebody else here must have played it. I mean, it's considered the best football game at the moment, isn't it?

Then what is? I thought Pro Evo had dropped the ball this gen.

Thought it was the opposite. Might be wrong.

Look up the page, AJ, I did mention it. I would point out, though, that most people from this forum who play football games will have played FIFA or PES in the last twenty years, are familiar with the controls, and would have no need to look for or be aware of two-button controls.

Anyone familiar with sports games knows about selecting a side. I may be wrong, but I’m sure that trying to proceed without selecting a side brings up a warning prompt.

Is there a chance that your frustration is leading to you not properly reading screens and the information presented?

You did mention the two button controls and I missed it, my apologies.

The frustration was partially from the tutorial being labelled badly, which you directed me to, and partly from managing to mess things up when starting a game initially. Playing today, with the trainer on, things went much better. Though I still forget I'm playing a Nintendo system and press the wrong buttons.

When I asked the question, I was after a buttons overview, without all the technical terms that the options screen shows; I literally had no idea what I was doing and should have explained that. To be honest, I was in a mood because the whole EA-ness and lack of concern for beginners had annoyed me, but what you provided was perfect, thank you.

Because I have to mention it: the fact you need to close five separate pop-ups about having no Internet connection, on a fucking portable console, is goddamn retarded.