Yossarian wrote:

Maybe she had the dog in a clear plastic bag.

Perhaps it was less than 100ml of dog.

pantyfire wrote:

I used to frequent the Krazyhouse in Liverpool years back

[snip]

Excellent bouncers there.

That's probably the place i've been out most in Liverpool and i've never seen any trouble there. Something must have happened though because they now scan IDs of everyone before you go in...

Conversely, a few years ago I was at a bar in concert square while my brother was visiting, along with a couple of guys from work. I got attacked unprovoked as we left by about 4-5 guys, might have been knocked out but all I remember is being on the ground getting kicked, when my brother tried to stand in he then got attacked and the police arrived about a minute later.

My brother got the worst of it and had to end up going to hospital in the ambulance, it was his first day visiting so messed up his 'holiday' and he ended up missing a week of work because his face was messed up. I managed to somehow get away pretty unscathed bar a few slightly chipped teeth and bruises.

Anyway, it ended up in court so I had to go to the police and give a statement and they told me that their was an independent witness and she had said the bouncers of the bar had been involved.

1 person got a 70 quid fine for using bad language, yay justice!

That's my story about scummy bouncers.

Hah I like the Polish, they have quite the sense of humour. I'd deffo go again.

@vicinity_of_pie having worked for Baa Bar I've also done a few stints at Modo and have been privy to many a conflict in concert square and can confirm the bars that surrounded there before the SIA licensing came in didn't consider customer service as part of their remit. That said, concert square did and still does attract a particular type of clientèle and as such the doormen that work their will take risks. I've taken a few bad doormen to court myself and I've defended a couple from the majority of good doormen in court also. The best doormen have always used bouncing to supplement their income, from full time students to professional body builders and martial arts senseii's via community volunteers. Some of the most interesting and intelligent people I'd met have be doormen.

Likewise, I used to go the K every thursday, friday and saturday. It certainly has always been a safehouse for many an alternative/sub-culture for many a decade.

Oh no totally, didn't think you were and you hadn't insinuated such, admittedly that lot should've been in a new paragraph as not to insinuate otherwise. I've been on the end of a nutting and lost consciousness from a liverpool doorman and I've been picked up by the neck, pinned against the wall and fleeced as well by a liverpool doorman as few other awful experiences from threats to intimidation by their gang member mates.

Fuck me gangs. Man I've had some run ins as a publican.

Awesome - I've had that open since last night- not had a chance.

PS invite me to a game of Blockfuse- it's your turn to play blue+red.

Fentonizer wrote:

I wrote this recently. It probably could go in here. http://asismywant.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-outlaws-of-poor-grammar.html

Blog bookmarkeded

2 farmers on disciplining a horse?

Some guys in the pub at the weekend

"Why don't you like him?"

"He's just so... y'know... fuck... you can just tell what you hear of him that... y'know... he's just so thick... some people just so stupid that... y'know... you can just tell they're stupid"

It was all about the delivery.

Girl in front of me in HMV queue talking to her mate about her new boyfriend.

"He shagged my best mate before me actually. Well, he shagged her Mum before her, then her"

Friend: "Her Mum?"

"Yeah, I know ... but that's what it's like where we're from. He's shagged half the town really"

Friend: "Is he a keeper then?"

"Too early to say yet, but I've got a good feeling about him"

I was so tempted to butt in and ask her if this great new catch of hers was generally seen sporting a white shirt around the village. The pattern of behaviour seemed very familiar.

I can't lie, I didn't see the 'is he a keeper?' question coming. Although girls love dem bad boys.

LarryDavid wrote:

Girl in front of me in HMV queue talking to her mate about her new boyfriend. "He shagged my best mate before me actually. Well, he shagged her Mum before her, then her" Friend: "Her Mum?" "Yeah, I know ... but that's what it's like where we're from. He's shagged half the town really" Friend: "Is he a keeper then?" "Too early to say yet, but I've got a good feeling about him" I was so tempted to butt in and ask her if this great new catch of hers was generally seen sporting a white shirt around the village. The pattern of behaviour seemed very familiar. I can't lie, I didn't see the 'is he a keeper?' question coming. Although girls love dem bad boys.

Haha

I think anyone who has answered back to their mother is a bad boy these days.

Love this thread. Couple of recent efforts:-

As I was talking to a kid who'd come in late to my lesson, I heard one of the class slappers say 'yeah well if I had a cock I'd be sticking up everything I could find with a hole.' Needless to say I had a word and she was put on report for a week. 

Earlier today I was working with a group of low ability kids to try and get them through a couple of extra courses over a week to help them with college/apprenticeship applications. And to boost the school's figures. One of them said to the young and attractive teaching assistant who was helping out 'Miss, you know it's the end of the world on Friday? Well I don't wanna end up a virgin, so could you assist me with that?" I have little faith in senior management to do anything about the complaint she's now going to make.

Stopharage wrote:

One of them said to the young and attractive teaching assistant who was helping out 'Miss, you know it's the end of the world on Friday? Well I don't wanna end up a virgin, so could you assist me with that?" I have little faith in senior management to do anything about the complaint she's now going to make.

Sorry, but that kids a don.

Haha

"It's a kebab shop at night and a cafe in the day so I go in and there's pictures of burgers above the counter and he's 'What do you want for breakfast?', 'Beans on toast' I say, you can't go wrong with beans on toast can you? Aw mate they weren't Heinz they were chewy, like your mums knickers, solid as a rock!"

I'm not sure what these beans were apart from a juxtaposition.