Liver failure sure doesn't sound fun.

I'm not particularly accident prone but the walking into lampost stories made me remember when I was walking through town behind a group of guys in the prime of their youth. One called out to a group of girls going the other way and, half turning to keep up the chatter, walked into a conventiently groin-high bollard. After a good "Oof" he tried to carry on walking as though nothing had happened. It made me giggle.

It's a bit stupid having petrol come out of a black-handled pump. Not surprised you got it wrong.

Planet Lips.

Petrol is Green, Diesel is Black, everybody knows that. I'm sure you'd have a case if you pursued it...

Chopping greens for Sunday lunch and I managed to take the tip of my thumb off.  Its stitched back on now and hurts like a bastard.  I love cooking but have lost count of the fairly serious accidents that I have had when wielded either sharp knives or hot oil..

How?

I have a safety ring that prevents this from happening.

I made some mash the other month, but it was ready before the rest so I popped the pan in the oven to keep warm. Put it in thinking "I must not touch the handle with bare hands after". Then took it out thinking "I must not touch the handle with bare hands".

Put it on the stove, turned round. Turned back again and picked it straight up. Put a massive welt across my palm. Ouch.

Jimmy The Lips wrote:

How?

I think it was in an attempt to tie a shoe.  From memory I went to swing my leg up onto the foot of a bed and perhaps in an effort to save time was already leaning forward.  There was blood but teeth intact.

I've had what have appeared to be nasty falls but embarrassment causes adrenaline to kick in and I bounce to my feet saying "I'm alright!" with blood dribbling from an open wound.

I did fall into a fountain in Mildura at lunchtime once, could have done without that.  My greatest shame, other than The Incident, involved a bike, a small country town, high speed and about two hundred 16 year old girls.  Perhaps I'll retell it some day (it may be in here).

Just caught up with this thread and it's gold. I'm certainly closer to the Kazuo, Gremill, Moto end of the spectrum when it comes to clumsiness, in fact I'd go so far as to label the majority of you rank amateurs for this kind of thing.

In short order then, I've cracked my head open (I was running along and someone nudged me and I went sprawling into a climbing frame), broken my right foot in five different places (four of which were from wrestling, the fifth I believe happened at the same time as the sprain but was missed at the time), sprained my right ankle (I was standing on a table at school and someone decided to grab my left foot and pull me off it sideways) and broken my thumb (ran into a wall playing patball). There also may be a photo of me as a child in a medical textbook somewhere with a massive rash across my body caused by playing in and around a plant we had in the garden but which I can't remember the name of and which was the worst case of this the doctor had ever seen so he had to take some snapshots.

Of course, those are just the things I've been to hospital for, I've had many, many more minor incidents that I can recall including getting my leg caught between two planks on a rope bridge in an adventure playground for quite some time until I could be freed, falling out of a tree and getting my ankle caught on the way down and ending up trapped, upside down swinging from this tree and (perhaps the most painful of all the things that haven't seen me hospitalised), rolling out of bed when I was asleep. Doesn't sound too bad, but it was the top bed of a set of bunk beds and I landed back first on a Lego helicopter which was lying on the floor.

And all of this is before you even consider the campaign of accidental breakages I ran throughout my teenage years especially, the highlight of which was managing to tip over a Welsh dresser whilst trying to catch my brother's budgie to return it to its cage, upon which was carefully arranged all of my mum's fine bone china crockery. I don't think she spoke to me for a week after that.

Lols all round.

I've wrenched my my right knee as I was getting into a taxi whilst drunk. Don't remember exactly what I did but I remember pain and then it was super swollen in the morning. Now it bothers me fairly regularly. Should be fun in old age.

I also drunkenly split my head open at a festival in France. That's what happens when you drink quickly after practically no alcohol for 3 months.

When younger I tried to do a handle bar twisting trick on my BMX but just landed with them sideways whereby I flew over the handlebars onto my face. Had a massive scab on my top lip that split and bled every time I smiled.

Another good one was when I used to play baseball and we were doing partner throwing practice. The coach stood behind me talking to someone and mentioned my name. I turned around when he did and when I turned back I copped a baseball in the eye. Black eye for ages.

I should never handle knives either as it generally doesn't end well.

We need the bike story Sker. Even I haven't heard that one.

I was pretty buff back then

This is why I don't do sport.  It's really bad for your health.

I'll check back here in 20 years.

I can't catch and I am shit at the majority of sports, that's about it. 

I'm clumsy when I am drunk and in dark places tho.

I do stupid things when I'm tired, putting tea bags in the fridge then milk in a cupboard. That kind of thing.

Caught this thread last night for the first time ever, I concluded I bloody love this forum because of this thread.