Pun missed....

Sasukekun wrote:

Pun missed....

it was so quick, it could be described with the expression 'blink and you'd miss it.'

It took an awfully long period for you to think of that one.

Yossarian wrote:

That I always believed you were sharper.

Don't be a prick (please realise it's a pun).

This week.

 

Yoss laughed at one of Revel’s jokes.

It started as a small laugh, built up in his stomach and exploded in large guffaws.

It was at this point that the forumites started to realise that something was wrong.

Nobody usually laughed at Revel’s jokes, you kind of skimmed them. He usually repeated them every two months when he thought no one was watching.

Yoss’ laugh changed to a cough and he was having trouble breathing.

There was the look of panic in his face as he gripped his own chest and throat. He was looking around with pleading eyes at the forumites around him, who animal instincts growled at them that this was a time for flight, not to stay but to run.

Yoss fell to his knees and the only person that was willing to run up and help him was Tin Robot, who held him steady as he gasped,  clutching at his throat, almost to the point of tearing his own Adam’s apple out.

Tin turned Yoss around and stared into his eyes.

‘You can breathe just fine Yoss, you are panicking. Just look at me dammit!’ shouted Tin.

Yoss looked at Tin in agony and lifted his head to the sky and screamed an inhuman scream.

There was a shockwave of light and energy and for a second Tin was holding on to nothing but fresh air.

It was almost like Yoss had glitched out of existence.

Everyone closed their eyes.

When the forumites opened their eyes again, Yoss was lying on the ground, Tin was sitting next to him.

Yoss was lying there with his eyes open.

There was silence across No Subject.

Tin gingerly leaned over Yoss.

Yoss looked up at Tin and smiled.

‘Alright Tin?’ Yoss said.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Tin Robot.

‘I’ll be okay once I track down the entire Tory party and murder them in cold blood, then slit them open and play around with their guts, set fire to their bodies and take a dump on their ashes.’ said Yoss.

Yoss sat up.

He had changed. Well, his clothes had changed.

He was now wearing a head band that said ‘F**k the Tories.’

His T-shirt said ‘Wink If you laughed when Thatcher died.’

‘You sure you are ok?’ asked Tin.

‘I think so, though is Beano about?’ asked Yoss.

‘I’m here Yoss!’ Beano shouted, moving closer to Yoss from the rest of the crowd.

‘Great!’ shouted Yoss and he punched Beano in the fork.

Beano hit the ground, hard.

Mod ran up to the scuffle, with laptop in hand.

‘You okay Beano?’ he said, looking down at him.

‘I would help you up but this laptop is really light and easy to put under my arm or hand to someone else.’ Mod said, completely straight faced.

Beano looked up at Mod and muttered under his breath.

Tin Robot and Goober was holding Yoss back as he tried to kick out to reach Beano.

‘Calm down Yoss, calm down right now!’ shouted Goober.

‘Just one more, that’s all I want!’ shouted Yoss.

‘Someone tie him up.’ said g.man.

Gav produced some rope from his jacket and Yoss was bound up while he struggled, trying to kick out at Beano who was nursing a black eye.

 

While Yoss had been restrained for his own safety, Gonzo, ADKM1979, Monkey, Petey and Sas had been setting up the remote sentry units some eighty or so metres from the camp. Workid was flying some three hundred metres further up, keeping an eye out for the advancing spambots and keeping Petey up to date whenever he saw movement.

Stormy was further up still, continually firing into the crowds with Pablo in order to reduce their numbers as much as possible. Petey seemed to be back in control, instructing the team where to place the next sentry unit. He instructed the others with determination and confidence and a slight smile.

The sentry units were on a tripod so they were easy to fix into the ground. Gunn had decided to set their weight to as little as possible so they were effectively floated along the ground to their required positions, and once there, the weight was adjusted again until they were deep into the soil. It made the set up process to be very simple and most of all quick.

Gonzo lit up another cigar.

‘Good job done well.’ he said.

‘Now what do we do?’ asked ADKM.

‘We get back to camp and we wait and see if they break through.’ answered Gonzo. 

‘You’re hoping they do?’

‘This is ok but I want to do wall bounces and roadie run stafes. Where’s the movement? I want to take things out having moved in the blink of an eye. THAT’S WHAT OZXNOS IS ABOUT.’

‘I’ll believe you can move in the blink of an eye when I see it.’ said Sas.

‘Hang on, this is cheating, those two lines of dialogue are plagiarised.’ said Monkey.

‘From where?’ said Gonzo.

‘From here.’ said Monkey.

‘From earlier?’ said Sas.

‘Yeah. Page eight I think.’ replied Monkey.

‘I’m not getting this one bit.’ said ADKM.

‘No wonder, you weren’t in the last one, there were loads of fourth wall things going on.’ said Sas.

‘I’m kind of regretting being in this one if this is the level of humour.’ said ADKM.

‘Ozno winning on points.’ said Gonzo.

‘We’ve done that joke now,’ said Sas

‘What’s your point?’ said Gonzo.

‘Whatever Onzo.’ said Sas.

They made their way back towards camp.  While from a distance the shadows continued to watch.

 

Yoss was taken into the church and made comfortable. Facewon and SomeGuy were tasked with looking after him.

Yoss kept telling them to let him go, asking to be untied because he was harmless. SomeGuy told he had a David Cameron screen saver on his PC and Yoss went hatstand, trying to bite him.  

Beano was given an ice pack by Gav to put on his gently swelling eye.

The rest of the camp started to arm themselves as best as they could, either with new equipment from the game makers or from Gav. The Last of Us thing just wasn’t happening for him, no matter how many times he mentioned it.

Dubs and Nexx were talking to g.man. After a small discussion, they checked their weapons and headed off into the jungle above the camp.

Fullspectrum and the fightmen refused to arm themselves. Escape said he would prefer to sit on the beach and grow molluscs rather than handle anything as clumsy as a gun. This was greeted by nods and shouts of agreement from Tigerswiftly and the other fightmen. G.man shook his head slowly but there was little he could do to persuade them otherwise. They went back to their training room within the hub to prepare for the battle ahead.

It was with some trepidation that Billy H took up leading the Halols.

‘He’s going to be fine though, isn’t he?’ Billy asked of g.man.

‘I dunno, I really don’t know, Yoss is no doubt fighting off whatever has happened to him. I need you to fight the good fight for him. It might be something that wears off. We just don’t know. It’s vital we get to the control room more than ever.’ said g.man.

‘We’ll do it for Yoss then.’ said Billy. He saluted and joined the rest of the Halols.

Lonely watched Blu walk down to be near the sea. It was moving very slowly again. There was the noise of bottles clinking on the beach itself as the waves slowly moved backwards and forwards. He turned to speak with g.man, Mod, Gunn and Bollockoff.

Beano was sitting to the side, still nursing his eye.

‘Blu said he was full of energy when he arrived. I saw it for myself so I believe her.’ said Lonely.

‘I’ve no doubt of what Blu saw, I would be more interested in knowing what it could be. Any ideas chaps?’ said g.man.

‘Looking at the glitch report there was a massive spike around the time that Yoss changed.’ Said Mod.

‘It would go as far as explaining why the sea is moving again, the energy had to go somewhere.’ said Gunn.

‘It’s still Yoss though, Blu said it’s like there are bits of spam there as well.’ said Lonely.

‘Like Stovies then.’ said Bollockoff.

Everyone took a second to take that little statement in. (  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stovies )

‘Are the sentry guns set up then?’ asked g.man

Gunn showed g.man his laptop while smiling.

‘That’s a nice piece of work right there.’ said Mod.

‘I got your piece of work right here.’ said Beano, in a mocking voice.

Mod just looked down at Beano.

‘Really?’ Mod replied.

‘Well, everyone is prepared as much as they can be. Hopefully we can take them down before they hit the camp.’ said g.man.

‘Maybe Yoss got infected then?’ asked Bollockoff.

Everyone took a second to take that little statement in

‘Doesn’t sound too far from the truth.’ said Lonely.

‘Is he contagious you think?’ asked Gunn

‘Well, the spam is there but only on a residual basis. Though whatever happened to him, seemed to change him. Like a glitch.’ said Mod.

‘That would mean that Goober and Elmlea should have caught something, surely?’ said g.man.

‘Maybe not every Spambot has the virus, you know, kind of like emails? Not all the spam has an attachment, most of them are just trying to get you to buy something.’ said Beano.

‘I’m not telling him he could be right.’ said Mod.

There was a second of silence.

‘Still not.’ Mod added.

‘Mod.’ Said g.man.

‘….’ Said Mod

‘Mod?’ repeated g.man.

‘couldberightisuppose..’ said Mod quietly.

‘Thank you Mod.’ said Beano.

 

Blu watched the group split until just Lonely and g.man were left.  They looked deep in conversation for a second. Lonely put his hand on g.man’s shoulder and g.man nodded and smiled. They then parted ways. Lonely made his way back to where Blu was sitting but was intercepted by Petey. Petey stood there with his hands at his side and head to the ground. Lonely shook his head a couple of times to which Petey nodded again. A few more words were exchanged and then a smile and shake of the hand. 

I managed to read that before you killed it, Rev.  Cheered me up no end after a shit day at work.

Ill stick it back on once im on my laptop again.

Keep it up!

Thanks guys, really appreciate the support.

Loving the work Revel. What a way to arrive back in Blighty.

Excellent work as ever Revel.  Worryingly you seem to have captured my medical abilities really well so far - lots of well intentioned action, no tangible benefits...

Also, I now know what a Stovie is - entertaining and educational.

Better get on with the next one then.

I have just read this. I have not got the first clue what is happening but I quite enjoyed it.

Next installment now plz.

Ah ok. I did see that alluded to but am on my phone so couldn't really get on Dropbox. Will have a looksee later, ta.