I'm early thirties but apparently look quite young so people still treat me as if I'm a younger than I am. At 24 my godmother died (she didn't have children) and left some money to me which I used to buy a modest flat, one of the only sensible things I did in my 20's.

I still struggle to have any ambition at all beyond existing, being happy and not turning into an arsehole (my definition of this is very subjective). I'm naturally lazy, which annoys me and left to my own devices I would probably drift off entirely. Daydreaming and wasting time is a natural gift, although sadly not one that I can make much of a career out of. Like a spoilt teenager I still rather resent having to go out into the world and make my living at all, they should just pay me for being me, right?

Quite a lot of the things I've done in life have merely been to please others, to get people off my back or persuade them that I am actually trying at this 'life' lark. Deep down I feel like I haven't advanced all that much, which is both good and bad. I'm still an impractical dreamer and I still have the temptation to deal with problems by merely avoiding them (for years I didn't even bother to open my mail as it seemed too dreary to bother with and I didn't want to face up to whatever was in the letter). But then I have a weird internal system where I like to feel like I'm being authentic, true to myself, even when I'm actively hindering myself. If I fuck up horribly, I at least like to think that I did it in my own quirky way.

I don't mind teenagers, although I prefer the uncool ones who're actually quite decent to others, the trendy ones are often twats because they feel they need to be. Or so it seems. They're shallow obsession with celebrity and the fact they seem to have unconsciously absorbed the kind of selfish 'me-first' attitude of celebs does irritate me. I sometimes wonder what kind of world they'll create, because they're priorities seem fucked to me.

I like old folks too, and animals (I'm not comparing the two). Kids are still slightly bizarre to me, I keep forgetting that they're not fully rounded grown-up people and that they still need to be told what to do. I don't have any, but I've friends who do and second cousins and what-not. They're alright, like adults there's those you can get on with and those who just rub you up the wrong way.

The takeover of music and various art forms by polite middle-class careerists annoys me even now, although I'm not sure if that's a childish attitude. I'm not some inverted snob who thinks every band should be working class-guttersnipes like the Clash but there's little to no comment on the world we live in (beyond desire for material gain) or sense that these kids want to change it very much. There's nothing inspiring or worthwhile about these stage-school fuckers, they just do their job, professionally and with their eyes always on the prize of career advancement and profit. It might just be me.

I can get on with anyone up to a point, but only share my truest self with a handful of people who I've thoroughly vetted to ensure they're 'on my level' (not to imply my level is particularly high, I just need to feel some kind of nebulous connection).

I have a relationship of shorts, but we don't live together and frankly I'm rather going through the motions (at least I think I am, I haven't quite sorted it out in my head yet). She is nice though, and we're quite suited to each other in a weird way. I think she's a good person, that's important to me, I rather need a bit of understanding and affection I think. Like a dog, I like to be petted and told I'm a good boy every now and then.

My lack of ambition and refusal to open up and try new things doomed the best relationship I've had so far. I'm also a sap, so I miss her and think back to those times. But then I remember this mythical 'best relationship' was also pretty fraught and painful at times. Maybe it was for the best. Who knows.

Ambition is overrated. I think it may be related to desperation and panic or some trauma from childhood.

Stopharage wrote:

For all the grief that the youth get, they are so much more open-minded and non-discriminatory than my generation that it gives great hope for the future.

I've been thinking about this in regards to the whole no-platforming thing recently, and whilst I personally believe that open debate is healthy, attempting to make sure that those around you aren't being made to feel uncomfortable because of who they are does seem to come from an amazingly well-meaning place.

@LD

I still consider you to be my nemesis.

Gotta be doing good if you got a nemesis

Not distracted enough to sort out your FF team.

I just had a 15 minute nap, it was amazing.  I really enjoy a nap these days.

I feel very similarly to Larry in a lot of things, except I'm hoping passion and a vaguely driven nature towards writing/making video stuff will see me towards a future doing the only thing I could ever imagine doing: talking endlessly about stuff I like. I don't particularly care about money, beyond it being nice to have, and annoying when it is owed to you in sums that could improve immediate circumstances.

Society is full of them.

Lemme ask ya funk you ever heard of a thing called THE ECONOMY

fun thing, hey, what's the deal w/ it

As you long as you one day get weepy over madeleines

Without wishing to tempt fate, I've had a fortunate upbringing. Growing up, my parents went through a messy divorce but when they found new folk, it was almost as if they'd had an upgrade. Simplest (and most child-like) way of looking at it was when M&D were together we had Sainsbury's own-brand crisps. When they met new partners, my pack lunch had Walkers crisps and in their latter years it's been up-graded to Kettle Chips. Lived in a nice part of London, went to a grammar school, have pretty much always had a girlfriend/wife since I was 12, always had enough money to buy treats. My social life growing up was amazing; clubbing in Iceni, Billion Dollar Babes, Heaven and hanging out with most of the people on Acid Jazz. Then was a journo for 6 years, then film industry and now a decent job in education. Had a lot of opportunity.

Bit like LD though, I feel like I have far more potential than I'm living up to. I'm a complete dreamer and at the age of 41, I still feel that I haven't found my calling yet. But, the older you are and the greater the responsibility (wife, kids, cat, house - in that order), the harder it is to risk it all and start again career-wise. I've pretty much convinced myself that I'll leave education next year, but have no idea what I'm going to do. Just need to be fulfilled more. Despite really pleasing results, helping kids' futures, blah blah blah, I just don't feel this is what I should be doing. The frustration from getting older, is that your priorities today weren't really a consideration when you had the time, opportunities and freedom to really chip away at them in the past. I guess part of getting older is forgetting about regret and just embracing the chances you've got now and refrain from critiquing your past inadequacies. I don't regret teaching for the last 10 years (although the 4% pay rise across that period takes the piss somewhat) as it's allowed me to spend quality time with my family, watch sports' days, have long holidays etc. 

I don't really have any underlying priority in life. Some days I'll think about my pension and whether I'll have enough for the family by that stage and then other days I think about my immediate health and living in the moment. Planning for the future v seizing the day. My only goals in life are providing for my wife and family, happiness for us all and being mortgage-free. This last one annoys me considerably and I don't like having it as a priority for a variety of reasons. I guess it's the threat of losing my home and the security it provides my family with. 

I worry about what school my eldest will end up in, I worry about the factory economy we're seemingly drifting towards and the implications it has on my kids' future happiness, I occasionally worry about bills. But overwhelmingly, I'm a particularly laid-back person. It's this lack of stress and drive which annoys me. I feel as if the comfortable life I've had up to now has allowed me to drift through life. I often want to slap myself and stop being such a nazel-gazer and reflect on the pretty great life I have (touch wood)

As I've got older, I've appreciated things much more. Family, friends, walks on a cold but bright autumnal day, etc. Whereas I used to live for the weekend because it meant booze, clubbing, footy, seeing relatives, lie-ins, shopping etc, I now love watching my two boys play football. If I can get to see both of their games on a Saturday morning that will pretty much make my weekend. We often get Chelsea scouts at our games (Steve Sidwell has a link with the club) and a few months back one of them asked if I'd allow my son to train with some development squad. He's 6. I politely told him I wasn't interested, I want him to enjoy his childhood and his football without being burnt out by secondary school. But part of my response was for purely selfish reasons, I don't want to miss out on seeing him play, grow up, be with his mates, diving so much his kit looks like he was dipped in gravy. 

My sense of fulfilment often comes from having big future events lined up; I need something to work towards. I'm doing the London Marathon in April and am off to Zambia in July on a conservation project. In the past I've had similar events that have engaged me and given me a sense of worth that is sometimes lacking. Don't get me wrong, I'm not down about it at all but have this desire just to do something bigger than I am at present. It's my annoyance with myself for not being thankful for my lot which is sometimes difficult to deal with.

I've also learned to let go a bit more as I've got older, regarding friends and family. Maybe this is from the realisation that your time really is precious and you're not going to live forever. Lots of people turn to me in moments of crisis and whilst this is a real honour, it becomes draining when people seem to be using you. As mentioned previously on the forum, I've had to tell my dad I never want to see him again. Pretty unpleasant; I never thought I'd be the type of person to have an estranged relative. But then, who is the type? 

Last weekend I was in Brighton and invited some old uni friends down, both married with 2 kids each. Despite having seen each other twice in 7 years, it was amazing how much we got on for the 3 days together. The permanence of true friendship is amazing and has inspired me to fuck tracking my friends on social networks but to actually have phone conversations, organise meet-ups etc. The internet is great, but it's so easy to get lost behind the virtual connection it can place on relationships rather than embracing the reality of the physical embrace and garbled conversation. 

Rambling, but I like this thread. If the world was a bit more self-reflective it wouldn't be in half the mess it is at the moment. Then I guess the same could be said for how self-absorbed I come across reading that back.

A terminal bachelor.

As in I think it will probably end me.

I'll write something up for this thread soon.

I just wanted to pop my head in to say I love reading all about you good folk. The opening up in threads like this is remarkable and beautiful.

I've no lack of things to do neither, I just don't know which things I want to keep doing.

I'm likely over thinking it as I'm happy doing 99% of them.