Well in Gav. Bet that feels ace.

And Griff, I feel your pain … I need to find someone who’ll pay London wages to keep me in Glasgow.

"The customer is always right", where 'right' is code for 'cunt', right?

Had a couple of clangers at the Post Office recently. Chap pops in to pay a bill. It's something like £171.16. He hands me 180 quid. So I give him a fiver, a two pound coin, a pound coin, and 50, 20, 10, and two 2 pence pieces. This is literally the lowest number of coins and notes I can give him.

"Ugh", he says, rolling his eyes. "You're not going to give me all that change are you?"

"I kinda have to, mate, it's your money."

The other one is just a case of ingratitude. We offer a change giving service, but you have to have an account with your bank to use it. But we swap money for local businesses as a courtesy. Local pub owner pops in, gets something like 400 quid in change. "That's a lot of coins, I'll empty out one of our coin bags and give him that so he can carry it" I think to myself. I count out the cash to him, pop it into the bag, and hand it through the hatch.

"Do you have a bag I can put that in?"
"Er, it's already in a bag."
"Yeah, but I want one with handles. I might drop that one. Don't you have a plastic bag I can put that in?"

We do occasionally have some spare plastic bags, usually from when people drop off parcels and leave the bag behind. But we didn't have any that day.

"Sorry, no bags at the moment."
"Ugh, I can't believe you don't have a bag. So I have to go to the shop and buy one for 5p?"

This bloke was pissing and moaning about us not giving him a bag, when he knew exactly what money he was going to get back. BRING YOUR OWN YOU CUNT. We don't have to give you any money, we do this as a favour. Technically you don't have an account so we're perfectly in our rights to tell you to take a hike.

AND I DID GIVE YOU A BAG. I didn't have to. But I did. It's right there on the desk filled with but a fraction of the money you bank every week while you throw a hissy fit about a 5p plastic bag.

FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.

/rant

Used to get tadgers like that in the bookies. One guy in Airdrie, never worked a day in his life, cos he was 'on the sick'. Divided his time between the shop and the pub. Always absolute shite bets, 20 horses, 1p each way, with 1p each way doubles, trebles, accumulators etc. Pain in the arse to manually settle. You'd tell him his payout was £2.37 and he'd be saying 'eh naw son, check that, my mate down the pub made it out to be £2.41', arguing over 4 fucking pence. I lost it with him one day, told him to away and bet elsewhere. 'you canny talk to me like that son, i pay your wages'

(I fucking HATE it when a customer says that. I lost the rag.)

'you pay my wages? With your pish 1p each way bets? How much dyou think they pay me? And another thing, i pay your dole money ya shiftless cunt!'

But i digress. the customer is, in my experience, rarely right. I've perfected the art of telling them that while remaining extremely polite (i know the story above suggests otherwise, that was a while back though, before i wore a suit to work). If they don't like it, and threaten to go to customer services etc, i just hand over the customer services card, with my name written on the back. Fuck them. Most of them anyway.

Gav to be the new manager at Ibrox by September.

Could probably play better, even with a dodgy knee.

I do miss the bookies sometimes. You could (and we often did) tell people to just fuck off. There were some roasters (particularly in the casinos) that seemed to think i took a share of their losing bets. Couldn't understand that i got the same wage whether they won or lost.

Favourites were the ones that clearly couldn't count and would argue about payouts. Big horse race with a massive favourite a few years back (can't remember the horse, let's say it was red rum), every other bookie was offering 4/5 on it. Paddy power offered even money, up to a maximum of £200. Guy comes in, asks if it's still even money on red rum, i tell him yup, up to £200. But he wants to bet £500. Tell him I'll do £200 at evens, the other £300 at 4/5. Guy proceeds to go mental at me, cursing and swearing, says he'll just go to Ladbrokes (where he'll get £500 at 4/5 so less money back if it wins).

I was like 'mate, I'm offering you more money than Ladbrokes. What school did you go to?'

Bawbag.

Lads just got promoted.

Ta. I'm really chuffed. Been a while since I had a step up.

yay

Ace!

Has been an overwhelming few days, so I'm off home to rest a bit. The hard work starts next week. Looking forward to it though.

Bit weird, but it's Head of Contact. I'm taking the lead role for access channels, including our contact centre, visitor reception and complaints/information processes. Structurally, I just became my current role's boss and now need to backfill.

"Dunelm, call for the service, stay for the bantz"

Which you are.