Throw in some hot gypsies and it's bound to be a huge hit.

Sounds like a Black Mirror episode in the making.

Trade it for a Poor Gold Chocobo

I can't believe you're writing by hand. Madness! We need word counts, dammit!

Because page numbers don't really mean anything, whereas word counts do. People can gauge how long your story is by word count, but not by page numbers, basically.

That story would be 50 minutes to read orally & with expression, I reckon. Ish. Bit over, maybe? Have you tried it?

First few chapters of The Book. It's an elaboration on a short story I wrote. The first chapter is pretty much verbatim, but the rest is new. It's going to stretch out the short into the first 1/3-ish of the book, I reckon, and then move on from that point.

Link.

Any thoughts would be tremendously useful. Good and bad.

"Nightfall"

Is this Destiny fanfic?

Just to you know, that moth is fucking terrifying, so if you were going for that, mission accomplished.

First chapter has created intrigue, well done.

Had an enjoyable read Tigro. First chapter terrific. Intriguing and reads beautifully. Minor quibble - 'teeth chattering'. This is always used in cold scenes but I've never seen it happen in real life.
Second chapter - again beautifully written but the final line seems lifted from elsewhere. Only reason I mention that, is because your writing has a real individual style to it and that line just seems at odds. 3rd chapter - "A man is only as good as his actions. But those actions come from the voices inside him." - really liked. Chapter 4 - didn't go in the direction I thought. I presumed Elsa would be stopped by the villagers as she entered the area - they would think she was returning for revenge, imprison her and allow the monsters to enter the world.

I thought it read like a published fantasy author. Some conventional genre devices aside, it was terrific. Jealous. (Sorry, rambling, tired and jet lagged!)

Too kind, Stoph. You must be jet lagged!

Final line of chapter 2 may be subconsciously from something else. It wouldn't surprise me, though I can't place it. I like your thought process as to chapter 4 though, that would be an interesting way to take things. In fact, it would perhaps work well if she ran to village and was seen, waving a gun around. Even if she runs off and continues as she does in the story so far, the fall out from that would be interesting..

Only another 50,000 words to write now... don't be too jealous.

I've had my teeth chatter before. It's only if I relax my jaw when I'm bitterly cold - which takes a bit of effort as I usually tense up - but my teeth definitely rattle together!

Thanks for reading, Raz.

Yeah, first chapter may need to change in the end. As a short it had to be straight to the point - and I do still like it that way for now - but a novel has more time for build up and it might be worth the pay off.

Definitely not first draft, per se. I edit a lot as I write.

legaldinho wrote:

Wasn't a forumite supposed to have a sitcom made? I was looking FWD to watching. What happened?

Scout, I think, and it was shown afaik.

Yeah, I can't remember the name. Took me 10 minutes to get into it but I was really enjoying it by the end. Would watch more if they were made but it was in a series of pilots so I don't know if it got picked up or not.

Might be links earlier in the thread?

legaldinho wrote:

Wasn't a forumite supposed to have a sitcom made? I was looking FWD to watching. What happened?

Yeah that was me. We didn't get a series sadly but I've had another project commissioned off the back of it so onwards and upwards. Here it is if you still fancy a gander.